


Safe places

by evk



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jaemin has piercings, Jeno hates Jaemin, M/M, Misunderstood Jeno, Slow Burn, Swearing, flirty jaemin, kinda enemies to lovers, popular jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27608909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evk/pseuds/evk
Summary: Jeno tries hard to hate Jaemin. He tries so hard that he doesn't realize it's not working until it's already too late.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 35
Kudos: 375
Collections: '00 FIC FEST ROUND TWO





	Safe places

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #00315

Jeno is tired. 

Or maybe tired isn’t even a strong enough word to describe how he’s feeling. Tired sounds weak compared to how exhausted he is.  _ Drained. _

Jeno doesn’t think he’s ever slept worse than he has for the past few nights. His long-time neighbor, a  _ quiet one _ , if he may add, had just moved away last week. Jeno didn’t know the guy's name or what he studied, and they never got to know each other enough to even say hi in the halls even though they had been neighbors ever since Jeno transferred several months ago. 

He misses him now. He took the peace for granted, which he realized a couple of days ago when the quiet neighbor was replaced with new, not so quiet students who just won’t shut up. Jeno doesn’t really care to find out what’s happening inside that apartment, but last night, when the screaming and odd noises weren’t stopping at  _ four in the fucking morning _ , he almost got up to slam a fist against their door. 

He didn’t, and now he’s regretting  _ and  _ suffering. 

Jeno's pretty sure no college student stays up that late unless they’re pulling all-nighters to study, and if he was sure of one thing, it was that those students were not studying the first night, Jeno thought they were fighting, but he soon realized that the noise coming from the other side of his wall wasn’t even close to sounding like fighting. Now, the thought of what could be going on with his neighbors at night makes him shudder.

There’s a dull ache in Jeno’s head, a constant throb in his temples tempting him to rip his hair out a little bit. His eyelids feel like sandpaper whenever he so much as blinks, and all he’s been able to think about since he got out of bed has been sleep. Sleep, sleep,  _ sleep.  _

Jeno can manage with three hours of sleep - even he has to occasionally stretch his studying to the small hours of the morning no matter how much he hates it - but he doesn’t think he got more than an hour’s worth of sleep last night, and he’s definitely feeling it now.

The classroom is still fairly empty when Jeno enters, save for the few students chattering about the tests of the past few weeks. Jeno takes a seat in the very back corner, hoping to be able to rest his eyes even if only for a minute. He lifts his backpack on the desk with a deep sigh and crosses his arms on top of it. He can’t deal with this. He can barely even keep his eyes open, let alone see to the front of the classroom. At least he didn’t forget his glasses, although they don’t seem to improve his swimmy vision at all. 

Jeno leans his forehead against his backpack and rubs his head. His brain is  _ so  _ fuzzy, it’s definitely not working enough to solve any kind of math problems. And to top it all off, his math professor, Mr. Jung, is not the ideal professor to have in this situation; he had to be the strictest, meanest, most uptight person Jeno had ever come across.

He hears the classroom starting to fill up a few minutes before the clock strikes eight, and he knows he's being ridiculous when he wishes for class to be over already, but he can’t help it. From the corner of his eye, he sees a shadow of someone taking a seat next to him, so he straightens up and rubs his eyes under his glasses not to seem completely desperate. Early mornings aren't normally problematic to him so he isn't familiar with being, in fact, desperate as hell at eight in the morning.

The person next to him unpacks, and Jeno tries not to peek at them. It’s not everyday that the seat next to him gets taken; it never happens, usually people tend to round him from afar. This person didn’t, and Jeno wonders if he mistook him to be someone else.

Jeno brushes the thoughts off and focuses on trying not to fall asleep. 

_ You can do this, Jeno. Study now, nap later.  _

That’s the headspace Jeno manages to scramble through the first third of his lecture with, despite his body being ready to shut down at any moment. He even gets some notes done  _ although _ he has to stop himself from going cross-eyed every two minutes. The chances of him being able to read the scribbles he's trying to scrape on his notebook are low, but he figures it’s better than nothing. 

He knows it's bad when he can't focus his eyes on  _ anything,  _ but the worst part is that the class isn’t even halfway done and Jeno has caught himself nodding off three times too many. He can only pray that Mr. Jung, the biggest monster in this situation won’t notice. That would be the end of him.

Jeno is back at letting his heavy eyes fall shut, when he feels someone tapping his arm gently. His eyes shoot open so quickly in shock, that for a few seconds, he doesn't even know what he's looking at when he whips his head to face the person sitting next to him.

He’s met with a blue mop of hair and an oddly sympathetic smile considering it’s Na Jaemin he’s looking at.  _ The _ Na Jaemin, the one who everyone in the school, including Jeno, knows. Of course he knows Jaemin and his annoying blue hair and annoying, charming face decorated with those annoyingly well fitting piercings. 

But Jeno isn’t his friend. Far from it, he doesn’t even know Jaemin like that. He doesn’t really know anyone besides his roommate, so there’s no reason for Jaemin to randomly be paying attention to him, out of all people, in the middle of math. He has definitely mistook him to be someone else; he’s seen how many people Jaemin’s in friendly terms with.

Jeno blinks, and suddenly Jaemin is passing him a piece of crumpled paper that looks like it’s been ripped from the corner of his notebook.

Jeno looks at Jaemin to make sure the boy is interacting with him before reaching out a hesitant hand and taking the paper. Jaemin shoots him a subtle wink, which Jeno chooses to ignore in favor of looking down at the quick, messy scribbles on the paper. 

_ You look so tired :( Want a sip? _

Jeno squints. What?

He looks at Jaemin again, his frown only deepening. Jaemin’s grin is wider now, more familiar to what Jeno's used to seeing whenever he walks past him in the hallways. Jeno tries to wrap his head around Jaemin’s question, but his sleep-deprived brain chooses to focus momentarily on the way Jaemin's lip ring frames his smile just right, glistening alongside his pristinely white teeth. 

_ Huh _ .

He snaps out of it soon though, when Jaemin shakes a Starbucks cup lightly in front of his eyes. He realizes quickly that he's shamelessly staring while entirely missing Jaemin trying to hand the cup over to him.

Oh, right, coffee. That could help, although Jeno isn’t the biggest fan of the drink. He considers himself one of those people who drinks coffee only if he  _ really  _ feels like it, and when he does, he chooses the plainest iced latte available. The content of the cup Jaemin is offering him looks incredibly plain, but almost scarily so. The liquid, supposedly coffee, is pitch black, and if Jeno’s being honest, it looks pretty daunting.

“Come on, it’ll cheer you up,” Jaemin whispers quietly, nudging Jeno's arm with the cup. Jeno doesn’t know why he should trust Jaemin to not poison him with the insanely unhealthy-looking drink, but a tiny part of him does anyway.. It doesn't look tempting in the slightest, but even less tempting is, however, knowing that he could easily fall asleep at any second without even realizing it.

Now, if the circumstances were any different and Jeno was even the slightest bit more awake, he would act smarter and probably decline the offer. Jaemin could drug him for all he knows, and that’s the last thing Jeno needs right now. But this Jeno is at rock bottom, and if the coffee helps wake him up at all, he’ll be grateful. 

He glances up at Jaemin's eyes again before taking the cup slowly from his warm hand. He stares down at the black liquid, its strong aroma meeting his nose. It does smell like coffee though, so maybe Jaemin has good intentions after all. And on a second thought, if he happens to get poisoned and knocked out, at least he’d get a few hours of sleep, right?  _ Right? _

So Jeno takes a gulp. Just one, that's it. But  _ holy shit,  _ what a  _ mistake. _

Jeno  _ swears _ he isn’t a coffee person, but he’s pretty sure no coffee should taste like gasoline or burnt tires. He’s not quite sure what it tastes like, but it's  _ not _ the kind of coffee he thought it would be.

He can’t even begin to wonder what’s in the drink before it burns his tongue and he chokes, nearly snorting the mouthful out of his nose. Slapping a hand over his mouth, he turns back to Jaemin with a horrified grimace only to see Jaemin’s shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

He’s getting poisoned for sure. Just his luck.

After a few agonizing seconds, when he finally manages to swallow the worst thing he’s ever had, he has to stop himself from coughing it right back up. 

He gasps for a breath. “Fuck.”

He slides the cup back to Jaemin, but instead of the smile he sported a moment ago, Jaemin has his eyebrows raised up high in surprise, his face twitching into another kind of amusement. It takes that and one look at Mr. Jung for Jeno to realize that he’s just messed up. Bad. 

“Lee Jeno.” 

The way the professor calls him out mixed with the students snickering and Jaemin poorly stifling his laughter haunts Jeno for the rest of the day. At least it all woke him up properly. 

  
  


⋯

  
  


"You're in a bad mood," Doyoung, Jeno's roommate says around a bite of a sandwich. After coming home, Jeno stomped straight into the open corner of their apartment serving as a small living room space, dropped his backpack with a loud thud and yanked a comforter from the backrest of the couch while he was at it. 

"Don’t you hear the neighbors at night?" Jeno asks, just the thought of them only adding to his headache that refuses to leave him alone. He popped a few painkillers between classes at school, but they made it better for an hour at most. It was useless. All he needs is a good sleep, so he curls into the corner of their tiny couch, wrapping the comforter tightly around him.

Doyoung raises his eyebrows. “Well, not really? I heard something last night, but it didn’t bother me," He says with a shrug, continuing his snack by the door of his room. 

"They’re so loud that I thought there was a crime going on last night," Jeno says, rubbing his eyes with a sigh. "I barely slept at all and my whole day went to shit." 

Doyoung disappears into his room with a laugh. "Aww, that's new. What happened?" 

A lot had happened, yet Jeno's mind is quick to bring him right back to the incident with Na Jaemin. All in all, the whole math class was a disaster and it certainly didn't help that Jaemin looked like he had to bite back a smile whenever he so much as glanced at Jeno for the rest of the class. It was terrible, and Jeno doesn't think he’s ever hated a stranger as much as he hated Jaemin today. 

"I got an extra worksheet to do for math," Jeno says instead, a scowl forming on his face. As if he didn’t have enough to do already. 

He thought he would know better than to just blurt out a curse in deafening silence in _ Mr. Jung’s _ class. Everyone would know better than to do that. No one dares to even whisper when Mr. Jung is the one teaching. He guesses he isn't that bright after all.

Doyoung coos. "Oh no, what did you do?" 

Jeno stares at the dull, white wall in front of him with heavy eyes. "I cursed. But it was an accident!" 

It sounds ridiculous even to Jeno, but he pouts nevertheless when it makes Doyoung laugh again. Jeno glares at nothing in particular, lying down on the couch with a loud sigh. 

"You cursed? What kind of professor gives an extra sheet for  _ cursing _ ? Don't they realize they're teaching teenagers?" 

Jeno squeezes his eyes shut. "Right? That was only the first class, though. The rest of the day also went to shit." 

In fact, after surviving through the traumatizing math class he was sure was never going to be over, his poor memory failed him and he thought he had a free period. Turned out that wasn't the case, so he was late to his next class and got called out for the second time. 

Jeno can swear to his name that none of that ever happens to him, and he thinks he actually got cursed by Na Jaemin and his poison coffee. He also forgot his wallet at home so he had no lunch whatsoever and had to take the painkillers for his headache with an empty stomach. That in turn only made him feel nauseous, and in the end he decided to give up and skip his last few classes. Again, he never does that, and he hopes he won’t regret it later.

He tells Doyoung about all of it, and talking about it makes him feel a bit lighter. His headache isn't much better and he's still tired and miserable, but at least he got it off his chest.

Doyoung returns to the livingroom at some point, sitting next to Jeno with a hum. "That's one hell of a day. Do you want ice cream?"

"Can you cook me something first?”

Doyoung gives him a pointed look. 

“Please? I only had ibuprofen today." 

“Oh my god.”

⋯

Tuesday comes a bit too quick for Jeno's liking. The day felt  _ so  _ long but the night was too short, which led to him not even getting the rest he desired. The morning started with him being tired yet again. 

Apparently, his neighbors made sure to continue where they left off early Monday morning. The difference was, however, that last night they decided to add music to reach the maximum level of noise. If they continue doing whatever it is that they're doing, Jeno doesn't know what to do. He probably has to learn to sleep with earplugs on, or maybe he needs to quit being a coward and just kick the wall. He’s had the urge to do that for a while now anyway.

It could all be in his head as well. The chances that the neighbors aren't even  _ that _ loud are small but still there, and maybe Jeno is just a very light sleeper. That's what Doyoung suggested at least, since he hasn’t heard the noise being quite as loud as Jeno complained. Jeno doubts it works that way though. The noise is coming right behind the wall of his bedroom after all.

He has math again, but thankfully Jeno feels a little bit more alert today than he did yesterday. He shudders at the memories of the day before, but uses them as motivation to not attend classes tired out of his mind.

He feels significantly better today no matter how bad his sleep was, but his mood sours the second he spots Jaemin’s blue hair as he walks in with his boisterous group of friends. Jaemin seems to spot him all the way from the front of the classroom as well, and a smirk spreads across his face instantly. Jeno wants to punch it a little. 

Jaemin says something to his friends who are on their way to take their seats on the other end of the classroom, and all four of them turn their heads simultaneously to Jeno. Jeno shifts on his seat, feeling exposed having all the eyes on him, so he looks away and busies himself with his phone instead. That is, until he hears the chair next to him scraping sharply against the floor.

" _ Lee Jeno _ ," Jaemin drawls out with his deep voice in a poor attempt of imitating Mr. Jung's tone from yesterday. Jaemin makes it sound at least hundred times more flirty though, much to Jeno's nuisance. Jeno sighs, tearing his gaze from his phone to look up at Jaemin.

Jeno isn’t the least bit surprised when he’s met with Jaemin and that same smirk of his, and he can't believe the guy has the audacity to tease him about yesterday when it was all his fault in the first place. Jaemin should consider himself lucky Jeno got the extra sheet done - he’d be dead meat otherwise.

"Are you mad at me?" Jaemin asks, tilting his head, and oh, he _can_ actually wipe that smirk off his face, his new smile considerably sweeter. Jeno bets Jaemin uses that exact smile as his weapon to swoon all the girls and boys in the hallways. It _is_ undoubtedly very charming, but right now, it does nothing but irk Jeno.

"Yes," Jeno replies bluntly, going back to mindlessly scrolling through his phone. He ignores Jaemin’s gaze burning against the side of his head.

"Aww, I'm sorry," Jaemin says next to him, and when Jeno hears him snickering right after, he doesn't think Jaemin is sorry at all. 

"Look, if I knew you were going to swear like that from one sip of coffee, I wouldn't have given it to you," Jaemin says next, and when Jeno looks back at him, he has his arm propped up on the desk, his chin resting on his palm. And he's still smiling. Jeno wonders if he’s capable of doing anything else with his face. 

Jaemin clears his throat, and adds, "But it's kind of your fault, you accepted it." 

Jeno pushes his glasses up his nose, squinting. “Your coffee tastes like death." 

Jaemin raises his eyebrows and looks nearly offended when he places a hand on his chest, leaning back with a frown. "What do you mean? That coffee is a gift from the heavens. Keeps me alive and well." 

Jeno rolls his eyes and fixes his attention back on his phone. There’s still five minutes left before class starts, and for once, Jeno wishes the professor would arrive early. He hears Jaemin chuckling quietly, but he pointedly ignores it to focus on the article he’d found.

_ Did you know that cats sleep up to 70% of their lives?  _

Oh, how Jeno wishes to be able to use his life like that right now.

“Alright, I’ll make it up to you, Jeno,” Jaemin says next to him. “I’m sorry,  _ although,  _ in the end, it did wake you up.”

...

Turns out, Jaemin actually means it. In fact, Jaemin doesn't leave him alone and Jeno regrets talking to him. Later that day when the classes are over and Jeno is already on his way home, Jaemin catches up with him.

If Jaemin thinks befriending Jeno will make everything better, then he's going to be very wrong. Jeno wants nothing to do with him at all.

"I've noticed you go in the same direction as me," Jaemin says when Jeno raises a questioning eyebrow at him. 

"Why don't you go with your friends?" Jeno asks, subtly trying to pick up speed.

"Those lazy asses would rather take the bus," Jaemin says, waving his hand dismissively. He doesn't look like he's going to let himself be shrugged off and Jeno has to keep himself from sighing too loudly.

"And you?" He asks. He’s never seen Jaemin walk this way, so what Jaemin said doesn't make that much sense to him. Jeno’s lived at the same address since he moved to the city, so he thinks he would have noticed. 

"I'm not a lazy ass, obviously," Jaemin says, chuckling. "My roommate and I moved apartments recently, so it’s a lot easier to walk back now." 

Well, that explains something. Jeno can only hope that Jaemin doesn't live too close to him - he doesn't think his nerves could take Jaemin's company every morning and afternoon if he decides to join him from now on, which Jeno hopes isn't going to be the case.

"Oh," Jeno replies, hoping Jaemin would take the hint and realize that he really doesn't want to have this awkward small talk with him.

"Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re my neighbor," Jaemin says, and now, that's something Jeno wasn't expecting to hear. 

"Your roommate is really nice," Jaemin adds, but that's not what Jeno focuses on.

He blinks, taking a few seconds to think over what Jaemin said before that instead. They're neighbors? And Jaemin recently moved?

He turns to look at Jaemin again, frowning. Jaemin quirks a brow, a lopsided smile on his lips. Something in Jeno’s head clicks.

" _ What?" _ He asks.

Jaemin laughs, confusion evident in his voice. "What?" 

Jeno stops walking. "Neighbor as in… you live in the apartment next to ours? Behind the wall of my bedroom?" 

Jaemin turns around and continues to walk backwards. "Well… I don't know, maybe? Haven't really checked, but we live on the same floor."

Oh my  _ god. _

"It's you? What the  _ fuck? _ " Jeno asks, his voice coming out a bit higher than he intended. Jaemin raises his eyebrows and stops walking. 

"What?" Jaemin asks. Amusement quickly replaces the confusion on his face, and it pisses Jeno off.

"You're the reason I haven't been sleeping?" Jeno asks. He actually can't believe this.  _ Of course  _ it would be someone like Jaemin.

What did Jeno ever do wrong to have to suffer like this?

Jaemin looks completely clueless though, and Jeno isn't sure whether it's a good thing or even worse. Jaemin not knowing could mean he isn't the one living behind Jeno's wall, but it could also mean that he doesn't realize how much noise he makes. Jeno bets it's the second one since apparently Jaemin knows Doyoung, and Jeno feels his temper rising.

He knows he's being dramatic, but he  _ needs _ those hours he's spending awake to sleep.

"I'm the reason you haven't been sleeping? Do you think about me that much?" Jaemin asks, grinning. 

"What the - no!" Jeno huffs, running a hand through his hair, frustrated. "Do you have any idea how thin the walls are?" 

Jaemin looks at him like he grew a second head, and Jeno feels like screaming. He holds it all in though, and groans instead as his cheeks warm from anger. 

"The walls! They're thin and they're not soundproof!" He clarifies, and it seems like Jaemin finally understands what Jeno is trying to tell him.

"Oh, you mean the noise?" Jaemin asks. Jeno wants to cry. 

"Yes!"

"Wait, that's the reason you've been so sleepy in class?" 

_ "Yes!"  _

Jaemin just stares at him for a while, quiet. Jeno almost thinks he didn't get him after all, but suddenly the corner of Jaemin's lips curves up slightly, the look in his eyes morphing to a fond one.

"You're  _ so  _ cute when you're angry, did you know that?" 

Jeno glares at him, but this time his cheeks warm for completely other reasons.

"Oh my god," Jeno sighs. "Goodbye." 

He turns on his heel to walk back and maybe find a path or something to go home. He's  _ not _ going to walk with Jaemin anyway and he's sure of that, even if it means taking longer to get home. He wouldn't be able to take it. He can't stand Jaemin. 

Jaemin's laugh rings after him. "I'm just kidding, Jeno! Wait!" 

He's definitely not kidding, Jeno can hear it in his voice. 

"Hey! Hold up." 

Jeno feels Jaemin grabbing his wrist and pulling him back. He turns around before he stumbles into Jaemin and shoves his hand off. 

"Stop! I don't want to see you." 

Jaemin laughs. "Don't be such a baby." 

"I haven't got a wink of sleep because of you!" 

"Let me explain, darling." 

Jeno's words get momentarily stuck in his throat. He frowns, pressing his lips into a thin line. His head is actually going to explode.

"Then explain." 

Jaemin grins, and turns around to continue walking. Jeno gapes after him.

"Come on! I'll explain as we walk," Jaemin says, glancing over his shoulder as his hand motions for Jeno to follow. 

"Why do we have to walk? I don't want to walk with you," Jeno mumbles, but seeing other people nearing them from the other direction, he starts to reluctantly walk after Jaemin. 

"What, do you want me to carry you, then?" Jaemin asks, though jokingly, as he slows down enough for Jeno to catch up with him. Jeno rolls his eyes, looking away. 

He hears Jaemin chuckling next to him, and Jeno wonders if it's worth trying to shut the other out and walk as if he isn't there. He could be walking alone right now. The thought sounds like a dream. 

"So, the noise," Jaemin starts then anyways, snapping Jeno out of his thoughts. He glances at Jaemin, half expecting him to make a stupid joke out of the whole thing. 

Jaemin stares ahead, until he just chuckles lightly. "I'm assuming you know Donghyuck, right?" 

Jeno doesn't think he knows who Donghyuck is. The name doesn't sound very familiar to him, but he's fairly sure he might know the guy if he saw his face.

"I'm not sure I do," Jeno replies. "What about him?" 

Jaemin hums, and for a second it looks like he's trying hard to put his thoughts into words. That's new - Jeno doesn't really know him to be someone who has trouble talking.

"Okay, this is going to sound ridiculous," Jaemin starts, smiling as he scratches the back of his head. "But I promise it’s the truth."

Jeno has no idea what he should expect to hear. The sounds at night vary so much from screaming and shrieking to weird thumps that Jeno has no idea what can cause all of that.

"Don't tell Hyuck I told you this, but he has a great singing voice, he really does," Jaemin says, and it sounds like he already has a hard time trying not to laugh. Jeno doesn't know where this is going. He no longer knows if he wants to. 

"He's good, but he has a tendency to practice his dramatic high notes at ass o'clock," Jaemin says, and rubs his face with a sigh. "He could sing whenever, but he chooses to do so in the middle of the night." 

"That explains something, I guess," Jeno sighs.

Jaemin sniggers. "Yeah, but it's not like I'm completely innocent either." 

Jeno arches a brow. "Uh… okay?" 

"I was actually already wondering when we would get the first complaints, because once Hyuck starts, he doesn't stop. I’ve tried kicking his wall to make him stop, but he doesn't." 

If Jeno is being honest, he's kind of relieved to learn that the sounds aren't coming from something else, since he genuinely thought that his neighbors were doing something way filthier. In fact, he's glad to know it was nothing like that after all.

"Oh," Jeno responds bluntly.

"Yeah," Jaemin says. "And for the past few nights, I've tried to bother him with equally loud music, so there's that," He continues, chuckling. 

Jeno turns to him, an unimpressed look on his face. "Are you serious?" 

Jaemin grins. "Unfortunately. I know it's petty, but believe me when I say that he's not easy to shut up."

Jeno doesn't really know what to say. He's still genuinely relieved to learn that the noise comes from more or less innocent antics, but the fact that Jaemin and his roommate haven't cared to think about the other people living in the same building with them still pisses him off.

"That's pretty much it. My sincere apologies that our childish battle deprived you from getting sleep, I wish you let me know earlier," Jaemin says. Jeno wants to laugh, suddenly. 

"I don't think it's even allowed to make that much noise in an apartment building, you should know that," Jeno says. "You're lucky I haven't called the cops. Your  _ childish battle _ didn’t sound  _ that _ childish at times." 

Jaemin's face twists into a grimace. "A great imagination you have there. Hyuck was literally  _ singing _ ." 

"It's not my fault it sounded wrong, I couldn't have known," Jeno says, defensive.

Jaemin nods, but there's still a hint of mirth lingering in his eyes.

"Mhm, sure you couldn't," Jaemin says, nodding. 

"Shut up, I actually hate you."

…

A few weeks in, Jeno finds that classes with Jaemin as a seatmate definitely add an interesting twist to his days. After their first interactions with each other, Jaemin seems to be intrigued by him as well. Jeno isn’t too happy about it, because while being so distracting all the damn time, Jaemin definitely has started to have an effect on him. A stupid one, in his opinion.

It’s his words that get to Jeno. It started one morning with Jaemin making an innuendo, and Jeno did  _ not  _ take it well. He ended up spluttering empty insults at Jaemin for being such a  _ creep _ , but Jaemin was undoubtedly having the time of his life, laughing almost throughout the whole class to the point where it was him who got called out. At least Jeno was satisfied.

However, everything got worse after Jaemin took note of the fact that Jeno can’t reply to his smooth remarks to save his life. His fun only began.

"Good morning, sunshine," Jaemin sing-songs one morning, sitting down next to an already scowling Jeno.

"Your friends are over there," Jeno says, pointing a pen towards the other side of the classroom where Jaemin’s friends are huddled together around a phone to laugh at something on it. 

Jaemin glances at the direction Jeno points at, but he just turns back with a strange expression on his face.

"Yeah?" Jaemin replies, and for some reason Jeno feels a little dumb for pointing it out. It's as if there's an obvious reason why Jaemin chose the seat next to him and he just isn't realizing it.

"Then why are you sitting here?" Jeno asks. He watches as Jaemin unpacks his backpack, taking out his laptop and notebooks and merely shrugging afterwards. 

"Because the seats over there were all taken?" Jaemin replies, his tone equally as questioning as Jeno’s. Jeno looks over Jaemin’s shoulder again to where Jaemin's friends are sitting, and now that Jaemin pointed it out, the reason he's sitting next to him is  _ very _ obvious. Jeno guesses being a bit more observant wouldn't hurt. He blames it on his poor eyesight though.

“This was the next empty seat I saw. Why? Am I troubling you?”

Jeno’s eyes flicker back to Jaemin, and he finds Jaemin staring right back at him. Jeno hates it a little bit, having to be the target of Jaemin's intense gaze. Jaemin just has something very  _ Jaemin _ in his eyes, and it bothers Jeno how weak it makes him feel. Not exactly insecure, but definitely not that confident either. For starters, he always seems to lose his ability to talk.

Jaemin’s dark eyes are so captivating that they seem to stare right into his soul. Jeno doesn’t like it a single bit, the way it makes him feel so exposed.

Jeno swallows, ending up not replying to Jaemin’s question at all. Is he troubling Jeno? Yeah, kind of, but hell, Jeno can’t find a way to say it convincingly when Jaemin’s looking at him like  _ that _ . He can’t even tear his eyes off Jaemin, and Jaemin looks like he’s very aware of it. 

A few agonizingly long seconds pass before Jaemin arches a brow, still waiting, and Jeno notices a faint grin tugging at his lips again.

Jaemin knows exactly the effect he has on him, Jeno’s sure of it.

"You're ruining my notes," Jeno replies finally, not to feed Jaemin's amusement any further. The statement is very true, though. A few days ago Jaemin found great joy from sneaking small doodles on the corners of Jeno’s notebooks. Stick figures, flowers and such. Jeno's always too focused on taking the actual notes to catch him doing that, so he gave up fairly quickly on trying to stop Jaemin.

"Um, duh, I'm certainly not ruining your notes," Jaemin says, glancing down at Jeno's notebook on the desk. "If anything, I’ve made them more entertaining for you if you're about to go and stare at them for the rest of the day." 

Jeno frowns, scoffing. "I'm not going to stare at them for the rest of the day.”

Jaemin looks up at him again, a lazy smile on his lips. Jeno averts his eyes. 

"You're not? I've definitely seen you around in the library quite often after classes." 

Jeno gives him a pointed look. "What are you even doing in the library?"

Jaemin laughs. 

"Hey, in case you forgot, we're in college. I have some studying to do as well, but I have a life outside of that, unlike someone," Jaemin says, making his point clear by poking Jeno's arm with his pencil. 

Jeno leans farther away from him, pressing himself snug against the wall on his other side with a frown. "I do other things too. You don't know me." 

"Oh, enlighten me, please. What do you do besides studying?" Jaemin asks, his smirk nearly daunting, as if he's already well aware that Jeno doesn't have an answer to his question. 

Jeno frowns back at him, but he finds himself having a hard time coming up with a proper answer to Jaemin's question after all. His life certainly doesn't consist of studying only. He does care about his grades a lot, but even he knows to keep school and his free time apart. He isn't that crazy. 

"That's what I thought," Jaemin says after a moment of silence. His smirk has morphed into a warmer smile, and Jeno tries not to pay too much attention to how different it looks on him.

"Hey, when do your classes end today?" Jaemin asks, turning the direction of their conversation completely. 

"Uhh, at two… why?"

Jaemin nods. "How about you come grab coffee with me after classes today, yeah?" he suggests then, much to Jeno's surprise. Jeno raises his eyebrows, shooting Jaemin a questioning grimace.

"Um," He mumbles, eyes darting around the room. "Why me?" 

Jaemin has plenty of friends and Jeno knows for a fact that the guy knows every single student in the school. And even if he didn’t, Jeno bets there are people who would pay to spend time with him. Jeno himself doesn’t really care, and he doesn’t understand why it’s him that Jaemin is asking.

"Because you're my seatmate," Jaemin replies, shrugging. "Come on, it doesn't have to take long." 

Jeno just gapes at him, as if he has proposed something way more bizarre than simply getting coffee together. But to his defence, he really wasn't expecting their banter to end up here.

"I don't drink coffee… much," Jeno replies eventually, mainly because he doesn't know what else to say. It's not like he has anything to do after he goes home, but he thought he’d made it clear that he doesn't like Jaemin. Also, in Jeno's honest opinion, it's a bit out of place to ask a stranger for coffee like that. 

Or maybe it isn’t and it’s just Jaemin’s usual way of getting to know all the people he hangs out with.

Jeno doesn't think they're anywhere near being friends. Sure, Jaemin has started to greet him whenever they pass by each other, spotting him from very far away too. It's strange, for Jeno's quite aware that he has a bit of a reputation as a nobody. Jeno always greets Jaemin back anyway, but only because he's polite. He doesn't count it as being friends, though.

Jaemin’s smile widens. "Doesn't have to be coffee. You're sweeter than that anyway. Please join me?" he asks. 

Jeno wants to bolt. This is awkward.

"I'll think about it," He says eventually, his attention turning towards the front of the class when the professor walks in. He hopes Jaemin catches the silent No in his reply.

“Great, let me know when you decide,” Jaemin chuckles, and no, he didn't seem to catch it. 

"Although I understand if you're busy with your… studies or whatever."

Jeno rolls his eyes. 

"I really don't study as much as you think," He says, his voice quieter as he takes out a pen and flips open an empty page from his notebook.

Jaemin’s laugh is silent as he lets it out. "Then what do you do?" 

Jeno shrugs. "Other things." 

"Such as?" 

"Why do you want to know?" 

Jeno regrets it when he turns to look at Jaemin. Jaemin is looking right back at him again, that teasing glint in his eyes, and Jeno hates how his heart rate picks up. He is quick to turn his head away this time, and he puts the blame on the lack of his breakfast when his stomach twists weirdly. He knew that single piece of toast wasn't going to keep his hunger away for too long.

"What are the other things that you do, Jeno?” Jaemin purrs.

Jeno takes a deep breath.

"Shut up." 

Jaemin just laughs, and Jeno’s thankful when the professor finally begins the class. 

  
  


…

  
  


Jaemin is an interesting person. It's been almost a month since their first encounter, and Jeno still doesn’t really know who Jaemin is or what he’s actually like. Not that he’s made an effort to find out - he’d rather stay away from Jaemin and his shenanigans.

He prefers to watch Jaemin from afar. It’s not even something he does voluntarily; Jaemin just catches his attention sometimes. Like today.

The spring has started to warm the air at last and it’s tempted Jeno to go sit outside while he waits for the lunch break. The wind is still a bit chilly though, and it bites Jeno’s fingers as he texts Doyoung. 

  
  


**jeno [11.45AM]**

heeeeyyy

can i join you for lunch??

**doyoung hyung [11.47AM]**

Ofc! I’ll be free in five minutes

Jaehyun will tag along ;)

Where are you?

**jeno [11.48AM]**

i’ll wait outside

lmk when you’re ready

**doyoung hyung [11.48AM]**

See you in a few :*

  
  


Jeno closes his texts and sighs. The rays of the sun warm his cheeks, but he doesn’t get to slip too deep into his daydreams before he hears loud laughter from farther away. He searches for the source of it, and soon realizes it’s coming from Jaemin and his friends.

They’re seated where they often are, occupying the old picnic tables by the wall of the architecture building. Jeno has seen them in that same spot countless times before, although there’s usually more of them.

He goes back to his phone for a short while, but finds his attention drifting back towards Jaemin, who’s laughing and bickering with one of his friends. At times, Jeno kind of wishes to have something like that as well. Friends to laugh and have fun with when he has nothing to do. He has Doyoung, sure, and he appreciates him, but Doyoung often makes plans with his own friends, and Jeno has had to get used to being his own company. 

He likes to be alone, of course, but on some days it just gets so incredibly lonely. He knows it’s partly his own fault too, because sometimes Doyoung invites him to join him when he goes out with his friends, but he hasn’t gathered the courage to tag along yet. Jeno guesses he would like to go, but knowing it would only be Doyoung and his friends there, all unfamiliar to Jeno, he’s still hesitant.

A few friends still wouldn’t hurt though.

A small smile curves on Jeno’s lips when Jaemin doubles over as his small fight with his friend escalates. It’s still playful,  _ Jaemin _ looks weirdly playful compared to the cool guy Jeno knows.

He sighs again. At least Jaemin has started to provide him regular social interactions. Most of the time it’s annoying, but on the brighter side, Jeno’s days contain more surprises now than they ever have before. He no longer knows what’s going to happen when he attends his math classes, and as much as Jaemin riles him up, he doesn’t think having more spontaneity to his days is a bad thing. He just wishes Jaemin was more tolerable with his constant, quirky remarks. Or maybe it’s just Jeno’s weak nerves.

Jeno squeezes his phone in his hands. He recognizes the faces of most of the people Jaemin is with. He has classes with a few of them, but he hasn't paid enough attention to remember their names.

The noise from Jaemin's group keeps increasing somehow, and Jeno grows more and more amused as he observes their antics. They're always on the louder side - Jeno doesn't think he would have even noticed Jaemin months and months ago when he transferred if it wasn't for that. 

Apparently, Jeno manages to close his surroundings away to the point where he snaps out of his thoughts only when a voice speaks up right next to his ear.

"What are you looking at?" 

Jeno nearly jumps out of his skin, his phone flying from his hands as his head whips towards the voice. Doyoung sits there, an innocent look on his face as he tries to peer to the direction Jeno was so intensely staring at.

"What was that for?" Jeno whines, squeezing his chest. "A little warning next time? Maybe?"

He notices Jaehyun standing by the bench too, chuckling in obvious amusement. Jeno pouts, reaching a hand out to pick his phone up. 

"Not my fault you get so deep into that head of yours," Doyoung replies, shrugging. He’s still busy searching for what Jeno was looking at, so Jeno gets up, ready to usher them back inside. 

"Do you know them?" Jaehyun is quick to ask though, much to Jeno's dismay. 

"What? Me?" Jeno asks, frowning. "Why would I know them?" 

"Oh, I don't know," Jaehyun replies, shrugging. "Jaemin has mentioned you a few times." 

Jaehyun and Jaemin know each other, Jeno is quick to realize. It's not like it came as a surprise though - Jeno's probably the only one who hasn't befriended Jaemin yet. Jaemin has started to change that anyway, so it's not completely true anymore.

"What? You know Na Jaemin?" Doyoung asks, grabbing Jeno's shoulder. "Since when?" 

Jeno sighs. "We have a math class together," He replies, shrugging. 

"I don't know him like that, though." 

Doyoung nods, but he looks like he isn't really paying attention as he's too busy watching Jaemin and his gang. 

"They moved to our building not long ago," Doyoung muses, turning back to Jeno and Jaehyun. "I've seen him around."

"They're so freaking loud," Jeno mumbles, putting on his backpack. "I don't understand how two guys can cause so much noise."

Jaehyun laughs, obviously aware of what Jeno's talking about. "They sure can be a bit chaotic. But Jaemin’s a good guy, I think you two could get along." 

Jeno nods slowly, glancing at Jaemin's direction. "Right."

"Should we get going? I'm starving," Doyoung pipes up next to them, and Jeno's glad he asked. 

"Yeah," Jeno says, and watches Doyoung and Jaehyun intertwining their fingers as they start to walk towards the cafeteria. Jeno squints his eyes. 

Huh. He might have to question that later.

…

It's pouring outside on a grey Thursday, and Jeno’s climbing up the stairs to the fifth floor. He loves the rain, but it surprised him this time. He didn't think to bring an umbrella with him in the morning - the weather was okay then, no clouds in sight. It changed rather quickly during the day though, and now Jeno's soaking wet after having walked home. He's holding his phone in his other hand, trying to read Doyoung's message through the droplets on his glasses as he rummages through his pockets for his keys.

**doyoung hyung [3.19PM]**

_ Hey, I'm at Jaehyun's. I forgot the laundry in the washing machine earlier, can you hang them up pls :) Don't wait up for me, I won't be home until later today. I left food in the fridge <3 _

Jeno’s lips curl up at the message, and he shakes his head lightly in amusement. He types out a quick reply (“ _ ok, mom.”)  _ back to Doyoung, before returning to his task of finding his keys. He swears he put them in his pocket before leaving for school in the morning, that’s what he always does. 

He reaches the fifth floor and the door of their apartment, still without his keys. He takes his backpack off next to check the pockets, although he knows he rarely puts his keys in his bag. They’re almost always tucked into his jacket since it’s faster that way, but that’s not the case today. They have to be somewhere though, he knows they have to - he remembers taking them with him before leaving.

Or does he? Thinking about it, he really isn't sure if he remembers taking them or not. But he couldn’t have forgotten them, could he? He's not  _ that _ absent-minded.

Jeno squats down and searches through his backpack in a mild panic. He goes as far as to pull out his books along with his laptop, but the keys are definitely not there. The small pocket at the front of his bag is also empty, save for a few broken pens, his wallet and the keys to his locker which are not useful in the slightest.

He forgot his keys. He really did, on the same day Doyoung isn't going to be home for hours. 

Jeno blinks down at his backpack. What is he supposed to do now? Doyoung isn't anywhere nearby to come and open the door for him, and he really hoped he could finish his homework before the weekend.

He taps a finger against his laptop, weighing his options, before he pulls out his phone again. 

_ Stupid Jeno, you’re hopeless,  _ he thinks to himself as he opens the contacts on his phone. He searches for Doyoung’s number, and begrudgingly makes a call.

_ "You didn't forget your keys, did you?"  _ comes Doyoung's voice through the speaker. Jeno wants to cry.

"Of course not, why would you even think that?" He replies instead, letting out a badly faked laugh. He rubs his face and sighs loudly. "Yes I did. Fuck me, what do I do? When are you coming home?" 

_ "Oh my god, Jeno,"  _ Doyoung sighs.  _ "You’re kidding, right? I'll be home only after like… ten today." _

Jeno _ knew _ it would be something like that, but he groans nevertheless. "Why ten? You're never out for that long," He whines, pushing his laptop and books back into his backpack. 

_ "And you never forget your keys. Bad luck you have there."  _ Jeno scowls at the older laughing on the other end. __

"Do I just sit here in the staircase for like, what," Jeno starts, giving a quick glance towards the watch on his wrist. "Seven hours?"

Doyoung chuckles _. "I'd really like to see you do that, but I'm sure there are better options out there. You could ask our neighbors if you can stay with them for a while,"  _ he suggests. Jeno sighs again and hears the faint sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. He doesn't really want to look like he  _ actually _ forgot his keys, for that's a bit embarrassing, so he should probably get going and come up with something. Sadly, he can't even bring his umbrella with him now.

"I'll just… I don't know, go to the library or something," Jeno says, zipping up his backpack. "Call me when you're on your way?" 

_ "Oh, I will,"  _ Doyoung replies, and Jeno can hear the smile in his voice. He's definitely enjoying this, for whatever reason.

"Don't laugh, this is literally not funny at all," Jeno says, pouting, as he lifts his backpack and throws it over his shoulder. "You forgot your keys last month too, don't act like it never happens to you." 

_ "At least you were home that day,"  _ Doyoung laughs. 

"Oh, shut up. Next time I won't let you in," Jeno says, rolling his eyes. He turns around to leave, but is met with Jaemin walking up the stairs instead. He looks like he got caught in the rain too, with his blue hair sticking to his forehead where it isn't covered by his black hood. 

Jaemin raises his eyebrows after spotting Jeno, and he pulls out his earbuds with a grin, mouthing a silent “hey” when he notices Jeno’s in the middle of a call.

"Anyways, I’ve got to… uh, go. Call me then, okay?" Jeno says to Doyoung. He waits until he gets a confirmation from the older along with a chuckle before hanging up. 

He looks away from Jaemin, taking a quick look at the weather forecast on his phone and hoping Jaemin won’t bring up the inconvenient situation Jeno is obviously in.

But just like it always goes, as if on cue, Jaemin does just that. "Did you lock yourself out?" he asks, pulling his own keys from his bag. 

"I didn't  _ lock myself out, _ " Jeno tells him, pushing his phone back into his pocket. “I was leaving anyway.”

Jaemin unlocks the door to his apartment, turning to look at Jeno as he leans against the open door. “You sure? Your call didn’t sound like that.”

Jeno blinks and wrinkles his nose. “Maybe don’t eavesdrop?”

“Oh, sorry. It’s pretty quiet in here,” Jaemin says, laughing. “Makes it considerably easier to hear. When is your roommate coming back?”

“Unusually late," Jeno replies, shrugging. "But it's fine."

“Uh, no, it's not,” Jaemin says though, opening the door wider. “Come in. You can stay here until your roomie comes back.”

_ Oh. _

Jeno expected Jaemin to maybe laugh at him or something, not invite him in. He supposes everything comes as a bit of a surprise when it comes to Jaemin. He shakes his head lightly though, to answer Jaemin’s offer. 

"No, it's really fine. I can go to the library, I have stuff to do anyways."

It could be over with that, and Jeno could just leave. But Jaemin copies his gesture, shaking his head.. "You can't, it's pouring. You'll catch pneumonia," he says, before pointing inside the dark apartment. “You can study here, really. I don’t mind.”

“And your roommate?” Jeno asks slowly.

“Won't mind either. He invites people over all the time without asking me first, so,” Jaemin replies, shrugging. “Don't worry about him. Now come in. I can lend you clothes.”

Jeno sighs. "You don't have to. I'll be fine."

"Oh my god, Jeno, just come in," Jaemin says, a hint of frustration in his voice as he rubs his face. "It's fine. Hyuck’s home but he basically lives in his room." 

If Jeno’s being entirely honest with himself, he doesn't really want to spend seven expectedly awkward hours with Jaemin. He turns his head slightly to look over at the wide window of the staircase. The rain hasn’t eased up at all, and if anything, it looks heavier now, and Jeno supposes he doesn’t exactly want to walk to the library and sit there in soaking wet clothes. He doesn’t like the idea of paying a ridiculous amount of money to have someone come open the door for him either. 

He contemplates for a moment, until he looks at Jaemin again and the impatient look on his face. 

"You're taking  _ so _ long deciding," Jaemin comments, leaning against the doorframe with a loud exhale. "Can't you just accept a kind gesture?" 

Jeno wipes his wet hair from his face and huffs. "Okay, fine.  _ Fine _ ," He says, and walks in through the door Jaemin is holding open for him. It's in a blink of an eye that Jaemin has his signature grin, the teasing one, back on his face again, and Jeno already knows he’s going to regret his decision.

"That's more like it. Wasn't so hard now, was it?" Jaemin says, closing the door and walking past Jeno to turn on the only working light bulb of the hallway. Jeno watches Jaemin drop his keys on the small counter, leaving his shoes to extend the not so organized line of other shoes. Jeno's not that organized either, mainly leaving that side of things to Doyoung, so he’s in no position to judge. 

He ends up ignoring Jaemin, as usual, and takes his own shoes off as well, leaving them by the door. He lifts his head up only to see Jaemin staring back at him, rubbing his chin. He's eyeing him from head to toe, and Jeno looks down to make sure that there's nothing on him. There's not, except for his wet clothes that cling uncomfortably to his skin.

Jeno lifts his head to squint at Jaemin, the tips of his ears warming alarmingly. "What?"

Jaemin just nods, humming to himself. "I'll lend you the clothes, whether you want them or not," he says then, motioning for Jeno to follow. "Come on."

Jeno rolls his eyes, but walks after Jaemin through the dimly lit apartment anyway, into what he supposes is Jaemin's room.

And oh. Jaemin's room isn't all that messy like Jeno would have imagined it to be, but it's definitely not that tidy either. Organized chaos would describe it best, Jeno thinks as he looks around. The white walls are decorated with pictures and posters of bands Jeno doesn't know the names of, and the window frames have polaroids taped all over them. All the pictures displayed on the walls are weirdly captivating, all of them of people Jeno isn’t sure he knows. 

He’s sure the pictures are taken by Jaemin. He has never really seen any of his photographs before, but Jeno thinks the style the pictures have in common is something that would suit Jaemin. 

The room looks oddly cozy, Jeno thinks, with the ridiculous amount of clothes on the racks and the hooks on the walls and the bookshelf filled with an almost excessive amount of books, photo albums and a few different types of cameras. 

"Just give me one second," Jaemin says, opening a closet to search for the clothes, Jeno assumes. He hums, his gaze returning to study the place.

It’s kind of fascinating how a room could look exactly like its owner. The posters and pictures displayed in the small space takes the attention away from the yellowish white walls Jeno hates having in his own room as well, but somehow, despite the room being filled with so many things, it’s not stuffy - something Jeno remembers being worried about when he moved. The room could easily look messy to someone (like Doyoung, probably), but Jeno can’t see it. Even the actual mess on Jaemin’s desk only reminds Jeno of his own.

His gaze returns back on the pictures, to the one right behind catching his eye in the end. The picture has an unique angle and vibrant colors, the sunset in the background making it look like a scene from a movie. Again, Jeno can’t even make out the face of the person in the picture, but it’s weirdly fitting.

"Do you like it?" Jaemin's voice comes from next to him suddenly, startling him.

"I do," He says. "The colors are really pretty." 

There's a smile in Jaemin's voice. "Right? It’s one of my favourites too," He says. "They’re all taken of very simple subjects if you think about it, but if you capture them just right and put the focus on certain features, they suddenly have so much more to give."

Jeno turns to look at Jaemin. His eyes are twinkling with pride as he looks at the pictures, and the passion basically radiates off him. Jeno doesn't think he’s ever seen anyone love what they do as much as Jaemin does.

“You’re right.” The words come out of his mouth almost like a whisper. His eyes meet Jaemin’s suddenly, and he finds himself looking away. He clears his throat, and hears Jaemin chuckling by his side.

"Anyways, here you go, I think these will fit you just fine," Jaemin says, bringing Jeno’s attention away from the wall. “We’re about the same size anyway.”

Jaemin hands him a pile of black fabric, which Jeno accepts with a small nod, putting his backpack down on the floor by the wall. 

Jaemin takes some clothes out for himself too. "You can change in the bathroom if you want, it's over there," Jaemin says, leading Jeno towards the bathroom door, quickly taking a look in. 

"Yup, it's clear. Hyuck just dyed my hair yesterday, so if you spot blue dots anywhere, that's where they're from." 

Jeno’s eyes automatically find their way to check Jaemin's hair although it looks exactly the same to him. No difference whatsoever.

"Alright, cool. Thanks." 

Jaemin smiles and shoots him a wink, disappearing back into his room. 

  
  


Jeno knows his own closet is filled to the brim with identical clothes, but the sweatpants and oversized hoodie Jaemin lent him are so comfortable that it almost makes him want to think of a way to steal them. 

Jaemin was thoughtful enough to give him a pair of dry socks as well, and after feeling warm and content again, Jeno walks out of the bathroom only to nearly bump into someone. 

"Watch it, you blind bat!" The guy snaps, and Jeno freezes in his tracks. That must be the roommate Jaemin talked about, Donghyun? Donghae? Jeno can’t remember, he isn't great with names.

But  _ a blind bat? _ That's a bit offensive, Jeno thinks and wrinkles his nose. 

The Dong guy turns around and freezes at the sight of Jeno. Jeno doesn't know if he's supposed to be saying something as Dong pales a little bit. Should he introduce himself? Apologize for intruding?

"Holy sh - what?" Dong squeaks, a deep frown etching on his face as he gives Jeno an once-over. "I thought you were Jaemin," He mumbles, trailing off as his frown deepens. "What the heck are  _ you _ doing here? And in - are those  _ Jaemin's  _ clothes?"

Frankly, Jeno didn't think he'd find himself in Jaemin's apartment either, wearing Jaemin's clothes. It is, admittedly, a bit weird.

Jeno just blinks at Dong. He doesn't know how to say it not to make it sound wrong, but to his relief, the door of Jaemin's room swings open just in time. 

"Don't scare him, Jesus," Jaemin says, pulling the hem of his hoodie down. "He forgot his keys so I let him in."

Dong looks baffled, but not exactly believing. He gapes at Jaemin for a while before his expression shifts into one of suspicion. 

"Is that so?"

Jaemin nods. "Yep." 

"Really?" 

"Really."

"He's wearing your clothes, Jaemin."

"It's raining, dumbass. He was soaking, so was I."

Dong squints at Jaemin and glances at Jeno again. He shakes his head at last and sighs.

"Damn it. Thought I was already getting the cash." 

Jeno looks at Jaemin, puzzled. What was that?

Jaemin frowns, and he seems just as bewildered as Jeno. 

"What?" Jaemin asks, his expression twitching into a grimace. 

"Forget it. Anyway, Lee Jeno," Dong says, turning back to Jeno. His lips stretch into a mischievous smirk before Jeno's eyes, and it looks exactly like the one Jaemin keeps shooting at him. What's with these people?

"Name's Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck, I've seen you around," Dong _ hyuck _ says, stretching out a hand. Jeno looks and grabs it hesitantly.

"Uh… hi?" Jeno replies.

"I've definitely heard of you as well," Donghyuck continues, and the grin on his face is shit-eating, to put it lightly. Jeno nearly winces at his words. 

“ _ Hyuck,”  _ Jaemin warns.

_ Oh, great. _

"Cool," Jeno mumbles, his eyes flickering away. From the corner of his eye, he sees Jaemin frowning, and Donghyuck laughs out loud. 

" _ Very  _ cool, indeed," Donghyuck says, as he continues to the kitchen. "Mark is coming later, by the way!"

"Yeah," Jaemin replies, the look on his face a bit troubled. Jeno wants to cringe. 

"Um… we can go to my room," Jaemin says carefully. 

Jeno turns to Jaemin, nodding quickly. "Yeah, sure," he replies, walking after Jaemin into the room.

Jaemin closes the door quietly after them, and shuffles towards his desk. "Don't mind Hyuck." 

Jeno grabs his backpack from the floor. "It's okay." 

"If he makes you uncomfortable, then it's not okay." 

"I expected him to know, it's fine," Jeno shrugs. 

Jaemin pauses, and turns around to look at him. "About what?" 

Jeno opens his mouth to reply, but stops. He doesn't think the situation could get any more uncomfortable than it already is. They were talking about two separate things just now as well, he realizes.

“Nothing, I - nothing,” He says, fiddling with the zipper of his bag. He looks around briefly, and wonders if it’s worth walking to that damned library after all.

Jaemin makes a small pile out of some of the paper on his desk and turns to Jeno. “I’ll go work on some stuff in the living room, okay? You can stay here,” Jaemin says, and Jeno nods, sitting down on the edge of Jaemin’s bed. 

“I’ll be there if you need anything, alright? I’ll cook something after I get these done, so if you want to eat, you can,” Jaemin continues, pointing into the hallway. 

Jeno merely nods again, pulling a notebook out of his bag. Maybe he can get something done after all. “Thanks.”

Jaemin shoots him a quick smile before he disappears from the room, leaving the door halfway open. 

Jeno sighs and flips through his notebook to find an empty page. Seven hours isn’t that long, right? He can do seven hours; at least Doyoung isn’t staying over at Jaehyun’s place. That’s what Jeno hopes, anyway.

  
  
  


What Jeno finds quite pleasant is that three hours fly by surprisingly fast. He’s done with his homework, so he’s just busying himself with writing his notes down on his laptop when someone knocks on the door.

Jaemin peeks into the room. “Hey, do you want to eat? I made food,” he says, holding two small bowls in his hand. 

Jeno opens his mouth to say that he’s fine, but now that he thinks about it, he realizes he’s actually a bit hungry after all. He just didn’t pay attention to it earlier.

“Sure,” He replies, shrugging. Jaemin grins, and steps into the room. He hands Jeno the bowl of what seems like a hastily put together egg fried rice.

“Thanks,” Jeno says, as Jaemin walks towards his desk. He notices there’s a camera hanging from his neck when he slumps down on the chair with a sigh. 

“Did you get your stuff done?” Jaemin asks while taking his camera on his hand. 

“Not yet, no,” Jeno replies, taking a bite from the food. Jaemin seems to be struggling with his own stuff as well considering the deep frown threatening to form on his forehead. 

“Me neither,” Jaemin replies, and puts his camera away with a long sigh. “Thank god it’s Friday tomorrow.”

Jeno smiles slightly, and hums out an agreement.

They continue eating in silence. 

“Do you cook often?” Jeno  _ has  _ to ask after a few minutes.

Jaemin looks at him, blinking. “Um, if I don’t get takeout. Why? Does it show?”

Jeno shakes his head. “No, this is actually really good.”

Nearly the best  _ quick _ meal he’s had, but Jaemin doesn't need to know that. It looks like the compliment takes Jaemin by surprise though, for his eyes widen slightly. 

"Oh, really?" He asks, eyeing the food on his plate. "I just put together whatever was left in the fridge, but I'm glad you like it." 

"I wouldn't dare cook for you if this is just a  _ whatever was left in the fridge _ ," Jeno tells him.

Jaemin laughs. "Oh, why?" 

Jeno sighs, and shakes his head. "Honestly I'd rather not talk about it." Doyoung never stops reminding him of the time he forgot instant noodles in a pot and burnt them. He's lucky if Doyoung allows him in the kitchen anymore.

"I'm sure you're not that bad," Jaemin says, chuckling. "Unless you really are. I'd find that  _ very  _ funny then."

"Of course you would." 

"Lee Jeno,  _ bad  _ at something? That would be a first."

Jeno gives Jaemin a pointed look. "I'm bad at  _ so  _ many things, you just don't know." 

"What are the things you're bad at, then?" Jaemin asks, and Jeno wonders if he wants to humor the already amused man any further. 

"I can't skateboard for shit," Jeno starts. "Came to the realization when I broke my arm while trying in middle school."

Jaemin's eyes go wide, but he's biting his lips in a way that makes it obvious that he's trying not to burst out laughing right then and there. The incident definitely didn't make Jeno laugh much back then, but he guesses it's a bit funny now that he thinks about it.

"Really?"

"Yes. I suck at remembering names as well, and my ex made it very clear that I'm the worst kisser ever, so there's that. I'm not very good with kids either." 

Jaemin blinks his wide eyes, and lets out a laugh. "You're kidding." 

Jeno purses his lips, shaking his head. "I'm not kidding."

"Did your - um," Jaemin giggles. "Did your ex really tell you that you're a bad kisser?" 

Of course Jaemin chose to focus on that one. Jeno should have seen it coming. 

He sighs. "I wish he didn't. It made me really upset."

"Unbelievable," Jaemin says. "I really doubt that."

"No, he actually said that."

"No, I mean I really doubt you're a bad kisser." 

Jeno pauses. What is that supposed to mean?

"Do I look like a good kisser to you?" Something makes Jeno ask, although the direction their conversation is going is getting really alarming. 

"Do  _ you  _ think you're a bad kisser?" Jaemin replies, giving Jeno a challenging look. 

“I don’t know? Ask my ex,” Jeno says, shrugging. “It’s been six years since that happened, though.”

Jaemin raises his eyebrows. “You don’t look like someone who goes around dating at fourteen.”

“It lasted for a month at most so I don’t think it even counts,” Jeno replies. “He had no right to judge my kissing abilities either.”

“Huh. Shall we prove him wrong, then?” Jaemin asks, and wow, Jeno  _ really _ didn’t think they would end up here. 

“Jaemin,” Jeno starts, staring at the innocent smile on Jaemin’s face. “Do you even realize what you’re asking me?”

“Yeah? You know, a friendly kiss.”

Jeno is sure he couldn’t be any more confused. He knows how straightforward Jaemin is, but this goes beyond that. Jeno tries to scroll back through their dialogue in his head, just in case he missed the joke in it. Jaemin  _ has  _ to be joking.

“ _ A friendly kiss?  _ Really?”

“What?” Jaemin asks, as if Jeno questioning his proposal is the weirdest way to react to it. “Do you want it to have feelings involved, then?”

Jaemin is crazy, Jeno is pretty sure as he opens and closes his mouth hopelessly. 

“Not really a big deal to me,” Jaemin says, as he gets up. 

“Are you serious?” Jeno croaks out. 

“Why not?” Jaemin grins. “Are you nervous?”

_ Yes.  _

“Why would I be nervous?” Jeno asks anyway, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. It’s not working like he wishes it would, and he hopes it’s not showing on his face.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you’re afraid you’re a bad kisser after all?” Jaemin suggests, the glint in his eyes mischievous. The competitive part of Jeno is starting to stir, and he narrows his eyes. 

“What if  _ you _ turn out to be the bad one?” Jeno asks in a sudden boost of confidence, and Jaemin huffs in surprise.

“Then at least your scarred pride will be healed,” Jaemin replies, and leans in. Jeno’s eyes blow out wide - he didn’t think Jaemin was really,  _ actually  _ serious.

Their faces get surprisingly close to each other, so close that Jeno almost smells the faint scent of Jaemin’s cologne and feels the warmth of his breath against his skin. 

Jaemin opens his eyes.

“Mark’s here,” He whispers, and backs away in a flash, sitting back on his seat. Jeno thinks he might pass out, but his attention switches towards the door when it opens. How Jaemin heard it, Jeno has no idea. 

“Hey Mark!” Jaemin chirps in delight, completely unfazed. Jeno can only stare. He hasn’t known what’s going on for a while now. 

Mark stands at the door frame, and the look on his face shifts to mild surprise when his eyes land on Jeno. He's a bit hesitant for a few seconds, his gaze switching between them.

“Hi Jaemin,” Mark says then, and turns to Jeno. His voice is unsure as he greets him.

“Hey.. Jeno, right?”

Jeno nods slowly. 

The expression on Mark’s face lights up immediately. “Cool! Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Jeno nods again. “Neither did I.”

Jaemin laughs. “Should I be offended?

Mark is shamelessly observing them, obviously greatly interested in the sight before his eyes. “I was going to ask a few things about the upcoming project… but I guess that can wait.”

“Nah, it’s okay, you didn’t interrupt anything,” Jaemin says, waving his hand. Jeno disagrees, and Jaemin, probably aware of that, gives him a disturbingly knowing smirk. Jeno has to look away before his blush gets too obvious. 

“Okay, um,” Mark says, but he takes one look at Jeno and lets out an awkward laugh. “You know what, let’s just talk about it later.”

Jaemin's expression still remains the same after Mark leaves the room and closes the door after him with a "Nice meeting you Jeno!" Jeno isn’t sure, but he swears he hears Donghyuck whisper-shouting “Told you he was there!”

Jeno steals quick glances at Jaemin. He isn’t sure if he should bring up whatever happened before Mark barged in, but he wants to think it was just another joke. A very wild one, though. He doesn’t think his heart has slowed down yet, and he feels out of breath. Jaemin’s company isn’t good for his well being, that’s for sure.

Jaemin doesn’t bring it up either. He wipes it off like it didn’t even happen and goes back to explaining the things he’s struggling with regarding the project Mark wanted to talk about. Jeno no longer has anything important to do, but he scrolls through his laptop just for the sake of it. He has to have a distraction - otherwise his brain would only focus on the fact that they almost shared a very random, unexpected kiss.

“Mark’s really fond of you,” Jaemin brings up when they’re both bored out of their minds and just sitting in silence, trying to entertain themselves with their phones. If Jeno took. a quick look on Jaemin’s Instagram account, no one needs to know.

Jeno finds himself laughing. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I think he knows your roommate and heard of you from him. He says you seem sweet.”

Jeno shakes his head lightly. “That’s new. Haven’t heard that one before.”

Jaemin looks so questioning that Jeno starts to question him instead.

"The things they say, you know,” Jeno adds, shrugging. He knows that _ Jaemin _ knows. He has to - he talks with so many people daily that there’s no way he could have missed it.

Jaemin crosses his arms, and spins around on his chair.

"So you  _ do  _ know what people say," Jaemin says then, and shrugs. "I was hoping you didn't."

Jeno lets out a breathy chuckle. "What, so they could keep talking behind my back?" 

Jaemin turns back around, his eyes wide. "No, what the hell, Jeno?” he says. "That's not what I meant."

"I really don't care about them though, it's fine," Jeno says. “It doesn’t matter.”

"I just don't see why anyone would talk about you like that, you know?" Jaemin mumbles.

"You know why," Jeno says, letting out a small huff, which was meant to be a small laugh. It comes out empty, too hollow. It's funny, because he's really not hurt by it anymore, hasn't been for a long time.

He thinks they’re rumors that are going around about him, and he wouldn’t even know about them if it wasn’t for Doyoung bringing them up once. It surprised Jeno back then to learn that there were such things circulating about him. He thought he was keeping a fairly low profile, so he wasn't exactly expecting to hear that people were talking about him not even a month after he transferred. 

In this case, it's not like being talked about is something Jeno is proud of. The things people spread aren't all that nice, despite some of them being, admittedly, quite plausible. Jeno hasn't bothered to find out who put in the time and effort to come up with such rumors about him, and it no longer bugs him that much anyway. In the beginning it did, a lot even, because as accurate as the words circulating about him seem, most of them aren't true. He knows that, Doyoung knows that, and to him that's enough. Now, he can live without it bringing his confidence down, and he’s at the point where they don’t exist in his mind unless someone reminds him.

Jeno gets brought back from his thoughts when Jaemin scoffs. 

"But do they even  _ know _ you?" Jaemin asks. He sounds frustrated, and the usually kind glint in his eyes has shifted. His gaze is so intense that it sends chills down Jeno’s spine.

Jeno shrugs. "I guess they don't. Doesn't mean they're wrong, though."

"Jeno," Jaemin says, and his voice is so stern suddenly, so different from how he normally speaks. Jeno stares down at the lock screen of his phone, wiping the smudges off it. He wants nothing more than to escape this whole situation. It's not his favourite topic to discuss anyway.

"Don't say that. They don't know you and they have no right to spread such nonsense about you," Jaemin says, and Jeno looks up.

"Have you paid attention to what they say though? They might not be saying the whole truth, but, I see where they're coming from," Jeno says. "You do, too." 

Jaemin frowns. He doesn't look angry, but a bit annoyed for sure, and Jeno wonders why he cares so much. 

"Well, I haven't known you for more than a month now, but I can say for sure that you are  _ not _ secretly a delinquent bully, and I can say you're far from being the cold, mean, and scary person everyone talks about. You're not that explosive guy who gets aggressive when he gets mad," Jaemin tells him, and chuckles. "I've seen you angry, I should know." 

Jeno shakes his head although there's a tiny smile tugging at his lips. "You  _ clearly _ don't know me."

Jaemin glances at him, and his lips curve once he sees Jeno's face. Jeno should feel alarmed, as Jaemin spins around on his desk chair again and hums. 

"No, I do. What I know is that you're actually a sweetheart" Jaemin continues, his gaze on the ceiling. Jeno sighs, going back to his phone to try to ignore Jaemin.

"You look a bit intimidating at first, but then at the same time, you kind of resemble a whole-ass puppy. Your face  _ screams _ puppy, have you seen yourself?" Jaemin asks, and he's clearly doing that on purpose now. Jeno  _ knows _ he's just teasing him, but he feels his cheeks heating up nevertheless. He lifts his head, giving Jaemin an unimpressed look. Jaemin merely raises his eyebrows, a smirk spreading on his lips. 

“I’m a cat person at heart,” Jeno tells him.

“Cool,” Jaemin says. “Doesn’t make you look any less like a puppy, though.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and sighs.

Jaemin grins in victory. "And for me, it isn't easy to make you smile because apparently you despise me, but whenever I succeed, I'm rewarded with just about the most adorable smile ever-" 

"Alright, shut up, I get it," Jeno cuts him off. He actually can’t believe he let this happen. He should have just walked to the library. 

"No, you shut up and let me finish," Jaemin says, pointing a finger. Jeno tries to shoot him his best glare, but the increasing warmth on his cheeks is probably betraying him.

"You act so tough but get flustered so easily, see? You're blushing right now. But it's okay, I think red suits you." 

Jeno squeezes his eyes shut and leans his head back against the wall behind him. "Oh my god, I actually hate you."

Jaemin clears his throat loudly. "You always pet all those stray kitties on your way to school, I've seen you. You're not that much of a loner either, you have friends! You have your roommate and you have that weird army of cats with you. Oh, and of course you have me, the amazing, wonderful Na Jaemin who forced you into being friends with him."

Jeno just stares. Jaemin levels him with a similar expression, although he looks a whole lot happier about the whole situation. Jeno wishes he had the power to fluster Jaemin for once, but he knows better than to challenge Jaemin with that stuff.

Jeno puffs out a long breath, his gaze falling back on his phone. This is really what he's dealing with.

"At least you finally admitted you  _ forced  _ me," He says then.

Jaemin laughs. "Well, I might take  _ that _ back. You've done your own part too." 

"Oh, have I? When?" Jeno asks.

"You would have kicked my ass already if you really hated me," Jaemin says with a smug grin on his lips, and the words come out of his mouth in such a confident way that Jeno wouldn't even know how to try to start to deny the statement. 

"You really are confident,” is all Jeno says in the end. He wishes he knew a way to learn to gain that level of confidence himself. 

“With the things I’m sure about,” Jaemin replies. “Glad you’re accepting the facts.”

“I never said I am.”

“I know you are, though,” Jaemin says. “You just don’t want to admit.”

Jeno decides it’s better to ignore Jaemin than humor him farther, so he sighs and unlocks his phone again. 

  
  


To Jeno’s luck, the remaining few hours fly past, and before he even realizes, it’s already nearing 9:30. He wouldn’t have noticed unless Doyoung didn’t send him a very alarming message.

**doyoung hyung [9.23PM]**

I was just about to start leaving but Jaehyun told me Jaemin took you in

Might as well stay the night here ;)

Goodnight Jeno

**jeno [9.24PM]**

pls

come

HOME

**doyoung hyung [9.25PM]**

Jk <3

I’ll be there at ten

Jeno and Jaemin didn’t do much in the end. Sometimes, they’d show each other a funny video or play a song one of them liked, but other than that, they just lounged around, leaving the TV shows playing as background noise. 

Jeno couldn’t be more relieved to know that Doyoung’s coming home already. It’s not like he ended up having a horrible time, but he’s getting so increasingly sleepy that he’s been afraid he’s going to fall asleep on Jaemin’s bed. It sure is a comfortable bed, and Jaemin humming quietly next to him isn’t helping much. 

He’s sure Jaemin wouldn’t mind him falling asleep, but it would definitely be a bit embarrassing.

Jaemin already noted his sleepy state once, and proceeded to pet his hair for the whole of five minutes, cooing and all. Jeno tried to hate it, but it only made his eyes weigh more.

“It was nice having you over,” Jaemin says as Jeno’s getting ready to leave. 

Jeno throws his backpack on, and tries not to stare. Jaemin in his tired state turns out to be even more eye-catching than everyday Jaemin. His hair is a ruffled mess on top of his head and the loose shirt he has on dips  _ really  _ low on his chest. 

He looks  _ hot. _ But that didn’t come from Jeno. Jeno wouldn't think about such things about Na Jaemin. He wouldn't.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” Jeno says. “Also for the clothes, I’ll return them.”

“Don't worry about them, they're in no hurry," Jaemin says, smiling. "They suit you better, anyway." 

Jeno huffs out a laugh at the same time his phone vibrates in his hand. 

"Alright, I'll get going," Jeno says. "See you tomorrow." 

Jaemin grins, waving his hand. "Good night." 

Jeno walks into the hallway and meets Doyoung not long after. Doyoung has a very satisfied grin on his face as he unlocks the door, and Jeno doesn't even have it in him to make the older quit it.

"Wait, Jeno," Jaemin calls out from the small gap of his door right before Jeno steps after Doyoung into their apartment. He turns around, blinking.

He thinks he forgot something, but Jaemin's lips curve into a wide smile instead.

"Now will you get that coffee with me?" 

  
  


…

  
  


Fridays are often uneventful for Jeno. If he's lucky, he gets his and Doyoung's shared apartment all to himself, and he binge watches some Netflix. Today isn't one of those days. Doyoung has his friends over, and Jeno decides to head to the library after classes instead of going to bother them.

It's not like he has anything important to do - it's Friday after all - but he uses the time he has to finish transferring his notes from the past week’s classes onto his laptop. The scribbles and doodles that  _ someone _ filled the pages of his notebooks with distract him when he tries to study, so his laptop’s his only option at this point.

As it turns out, he doesn't get very far with his task. In fact, he only barely makes it past the first page of his notebook when a shadow rises on the other side of the table. Jeno already knows who it is before the person even opens their mouth.

" _ Lee Jeno. _ " 

He’s gotten so used to the infamous, still annoying greeting that he doesn't even make the effort to shoot a glare at Jaemin anymore. He just lifts his head slowly from the screen of his laptop to see Jaemin standing on the other side of the library table, a smile on his lips.

"Na Jaemin," Jeno replies, going back to the notes on his laptop. 

Unlike how their interactions usually proceed, Jaemin remains quiet. Jeno's attention stays glued on his laptop, but after a while, the silence gets to the point where it’s almost tense. He looks up at Jaemin again, and he can already tell that Jaemin isn't about to leave him alone anytime soon. He only stares back with a suspicious curl of his lips, and Jeno wonders what he's up to this time. 

"What do you want?" Jeno gives in to his curiosity. Jaemin's eyes glint like they usually do, and he shifts his weight slightly.

"I want you," Jaemin starts, pointing at Jeno. "to come with me tonight." 

Jeno sighs. "Why?" 

Jaemin places his hands on the table, leaning closer. "We still haven’t gotten that coffee together, that’s why." 

"I'm busy tonight, sorry," Jeno replies, his attention returning to his laptop as he scrolls through his notes. He really isn't getting them done today, is he?

Jaemin snorts in front of him. "No, you aren’t." 

"You wouldn't know," Jeno tells him. "I could be very,  _ very _ busy." 

"Yeah, you could. But you're not, you just said it yourself."

"No, I didn't. I'm busy tonight." 

"You're definitely not." 

"Well, I am  _ right now. _ "

"Huh," Jaemin says, and pulls out a chair to take a seat, the smirk on his face mischievous. "Then I'll wait for you." 

Jeno levels Jaemin with a grim look. He's had an inkling that Jaemin’s a stubborn person, but it's being proved more and more true every passing day. 

"Where do you even want to go?" Jeno gives up and asks while  _ attempting _ to get back to work. It isn't the easiest thing to do with Jaemin watching him from across the table, but at least he can try.

"Just somewhere," Jaemin replies, shrugging. He picks one of Jeno's pens up from the table, drawing yet another flower on the corner of a worksheet Jeno has spread out on the table. 

"The evening is going to be warm today." 

Jeno follows the lines Jaemin draws, but makes no move to stop him. "I'm very glad you're asking me, but I still can't see why you're not dragging like… Donghyuck with you." 

Jaemin rolls his eyes. "I thought that at this point  _ we'd _ be friends too," He whines. "Why do I have to have a reason to hang out with you?" 

Jeno admits Jaemin has a point - he never makes reasons to hang out with Doyoung either, but this is him and  _ Jaemin.  _ Before the math classes they barely spared glances at each other, and the speed they're getting closer is a bit scary.

"Loosen up a bit, will you? It's not that serious," Jaemin says, leaning back on his chair. "And with that being sorted, when are you ready?" 

"Oh my god.” Jeno puffs out a long breath. He doesn’t think there’s hope for him to get the notes done today. He might as well go with Jaemin. 

Jaemin looks at him expectantly as he lifts a hand grumpily to close his laptop. "You're very straightforward, did you know that?"

Jaemin's eyes brighten visibly, and he bumps the air with his fist. "That's a win for me, though." 

"I can still change my mind," Jeno mumbles as he gathers his things. He really,  _ really  _ can't believe he just gave in to Jaemin this easily. He thought he's stronger than that.

"No, don't change your mind," Jaemin coos. "I'll show you something nice." 

Jeno gazes at Jaemin in suspicion, but continues to pack his backpack nevertheless. Jaemin gets up from his seat when Jeno is ready and up as well. He rounds the table, reaching down to grab Jeno’s hand.

Jeno looks down at their hands, and raises his head slowly to blink up at Jaemin. Jaemin’s smile is victorious as he shrugs his shoulders. “You might run away, I'd better be sure.”

Jeno rolls his eyes, but a small smile grazes his lips nevertheless. 

  
  


Jaemin doesn’t let go of Jeno’s hand, not even when they’re a good distance into the park nearby. Surprisingly, Jeno isn't too bothered about it. The gesture seemed so casual to Jaemin that somehow Jeno doesn’t even feel the need to overthink it.

“Where are we going?” Jeno asks, tugging Jaemin’s hand. 

“Somewhere nice. Still up for that coffee?” Jaemin asks nonchalantly without looking at Jeno. 

“Yeah,” Jeno replies. “Where is somewhere nice?”

“You’ll see.” There's a smile in Jaemin's voice as he speaks. “There’s a good café I know nearby. Let’s go there first?”

“Okay,” Jeno shrugs. He doesn’t think there’s an option for him other than to follow Jaemin, so he just goes along and lets Jaemin drag him after him.

“Should I prepare myself somehow?”

Jaemin laughs, and shakes his head. “No, it's just a nice place,” he says, but his grip on Jeno’s hand tightens slightly. “But you can just say no and we don’t really have to go. I’m not forcing you.”

Maybe Jeno was a little bit against it at first, but now that they're already on their way to a completely different direction than he would have thought, he kind of wants to see what this  _ nice place  _ is. He has the option not to go, so it reassures him a little bit. Maybe he can trust Jaemin with this one. 

Jeno shakes his head, and something makes him squeeze Jaemin’s hand back.

"It’s fine, I guess," Jeno replies. “Just don’t take me anywhere crazy.”

Jaemin grins and glances at Jeno over his shoulder. “I promise I can bet money you will like it.”

“That’s a big promise. Can you really?”

“I can. Shall we?”

Jeno searches Jaemin’s eyes for a good while. He  _ was  _ kind of afraid Jaemin would drag him to some nasty party although he claims he wouldn't. At the same time Jeno knows Jaemin to be someone who would respect others' comfort zones, so he can't be sure.

“No, I can’t risk my money like that.”

Jaemin laughs. “So you trust me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes you did, I heard you well and clear.”

Jeno snorts. He wonders why he is starting to warm up to a guy like that. What is it about Jaemin that he has started to like? He wishes he knew.

"Are you still afraid I'm going to run off?" Jeno asks after a moment, eyeing their intertwined hands.

"Yes," Jaemin replies simply. "Also, your hands are so pretty and holdable that I just want to hold them for the sake of it."

"Jaemin, you're  _ so _ weird," Jeno groans, trying to wiggle his hand free from Jaemin's grip. "Who even says things like that?"

Jaemin tightens his hold on Jeno's hand as he turns to him, sticking his tongue out. "I do."

"Gross." Jeno grimaces, nudging Jaemin on his hip with their interlocked hands.

"Cute," Jaemin responds, winking, and nudges Jeno back. 

Jeno sighs and looks elsewhere. Jaemin is really trying his nerves, and although it’s what happens every time, today he seems to be doing extra work trying to annoy Jeno. 

They manage to reach the café Jaemin talked about without getting at each other's throats, and Jaemin only lets go of Jeno's hand there. They make their orders and like Jeno already anticipated, Jaemin insists on paying for both of them. Jeno is against it for the whole two minutes before he loses the argument and accepts his loss.

  
  


"The next one is on me," Jeno says when they get their orders and continue their walk. 

Jaemin bumps his shoulder gently against Jeno's, a grin on his lips. "Glad you're open to doing this again in the future." 

Jeno splutters out a weak denial, and a smack lands on Jaemin's shoulder. Jaemin laughs, running away to escape from him.

"You keep twisting my words!" 

Jaemin turns around, giggling. "What do you mean? I'm voicing the hidden meanings in them!" 

"Fuck off!" 

"Shut up and hurry!" 

Jeno snorts out a small laugh, and watches Jaemin walking a small distance farther, swinging the paper bag in his hand, and maybe, just maybe, his company could be worse. A part of Jeno doesn't want to admit it because he tried so hard to hate Jaemin at first. 

Something has changed now, though. Jeno’s sure he wouldn't have agreed to go with him with so short persuasion otherwise. They almost  _ kissed _ a week before too, so something has definitely taken a turn to the unexpected direction. Jeno knows he has a tendency to unconsciously try to push new people away, and maybe this would be the point where he gives in and tries to get rid of that habit instead. 

"Are you coming?" Jeno hears Jaemin yell suddenly, and he looks up, realizing he has slowed down his pace a lot. 

Jaemin stands ahead of him, waiting. He always waits, even when Jeno has made the effort to try to break off their strange, friends-but-not-quite relationship for a while now. Jaemin just doesn't let it come to his way, Jeno has realized.

"We aren't even in that nice place yet and you're already losing yourself to your daydreams," Jaemin says when Jeno reaches him. "Do you need me to hold your hand after all?" 

"I'm fine," Jeno says, and shoves the hand Jaemin holds open for him when he passes him. "Thanks for the concern." 

  
  


It takes a few turns on their path and Jaemin checking their location on Google maps twice when the walk somehow stretches to twenty minutes. At least Jeno starts to relax - their surroundings look like there probably isn't any life within a radius of half a mile.

They finally arrive at the long awaited destination, and while taking a look around, Jeno can guarantee that the place is indeed  _ very _ nice. He’s lucky he didn’t make that bet with Jaemin.

It's a small beach, a long enough distance away from the main path of the park that not everyone would diverge from their way to find it. There are a few families with their children farther away, but otherwise it's calm and quiet. The sun has already started to set, painting the sky and water with pale reds and oranges.

Jeno loves it.

"If you hate this, I swear I'll throw you into the water. For a minute I thought I got us lost," Jaemin interrupts his thoughts, and finally allows himself to put his phone away. "It's been a while since I last went here."

"No, I like it, it's really nice," Jeno smiles. "How did you find this?"

"I was looking for good spots to take pictures at," Jaemin says, walking down to the sand. "Then I happened to come here, and this has kind of become a regular spot for me." 

Jeno knew the scene looked familiar from somewhere, and he thinks he remembers seeing it in the background of some of Jaemin's photography in his room. 

Jaemin gestures for him to follow, and they walk across the beach to the side with less people there. Jaemin leads him towards the old pier floating on the water which Jeno didn't notice earlier and it creaks loudly when Jaemin steps on it. The way it threatens to dip beneath the surface of the water is enough to make Jeno hesitate a bit. 

"It's not going to break?" Jeno asks, getting up on the pier. Jaemin swirls around, shaking his head.

"Nah. I've been jumping here with three more people so I guarantee it's safe," He replies, and sits down at the end of the pier. "I wouldn't let you fall even if it didn't hold us both."

"How thoughtful," Jeno says, carefully stepping along the weak looking wood. "I think the first thing you'd save would be your precious camera, though."

Jaemin gasps. "Is that an insult?"

"You do love your cameras a lot," Jeno shrugs as he sits next to Jaemin. "That's a  _ fact _ ." 

"Doesn't mean I would care about them as much as I care about you," Jaemin says, and he has the audacity to actually  _ pout. _

Jeno swallows. Jaemin isn’t good for his well being. 

"Is that so?" He manages to croak out.

Jaemin nods. "Yes. Priorities."

Jeno finds it hard to form coherent words. He blinks at Jaemin,  _ is he being serious? _

"Right," is all Jeno gets out of his mouth. Jaemin's chuckling next to him, rustling with the paper bag as he gets their drinks out.

"Yeah, what about you? Do you care about me as much as you care about your books?" 

" _ Shu _ t  _ up. _ "

“I’m just kidding,” Jaemin laughs, handing Jeno his coffee. “How about cats? Would you save me or your cats?”

Jeno faces Jaemin with a blank look. 

“I’m so curious," Jaemin says. “Choose wisely.”

Jeno feels a wide smile spreading on his face, and he pretends to think hard just to mess with Jaemin. Jaemin's eyes are hopeful, and Jeno  _ enjoys _ it before he clears his throat.

"Of course my cats."

The light dims in Jaemin's eyes immediately. Jeno doesn't know if he's actually upset or not, but the loud sigh he lets out certainly isn’t happy. " _ Of course  _ your cats. What was I even thinking?"

Jeno fights back a laugh looking at Jaemin's defeated expression. He finds immense joy from the way Jaemin scoffs and takes a sip from his own coffee bitterly.

"I thought we had something."

A laugh bursts out of Jeno. "Sorry. Priorities." 

"You hurt me, Lee Jeno." Jaemin places a hand on his chest. "I didn't know you had it in you." 

“You don’t know many things,” Jeno reminds him. 

Jaemin looks like he disagrees, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he just smiles and inches slightly closer. Jeno holds his breath. His cheeks feel a bit warm, suddenly.

He decides to focus on the slowly setting sun to keep his focus off of the way Jaemin’s arm is pressing against his and how their fingertips touch.

“Do you come here often?” Jeno asks stiffly to try to break the silence, turning to look at Jaemin who’s face he finds to be  _ very _ close.

“Well, not often enough. Seeing the sunsets always reminds me of that,” Jaemin chuckles. “I kind of wish I could catch every single one of them everyday. ”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” Jaemin replies. “There’s just nothing like seeing the sky changing colors every minute. That’s what got me into photography, I think.”

Jeno looks back at the bright orange sky. “Really?”

“Yeah. Colors have always been the thing for me.”

“Is your hair color a result of that as well?” Jeno asks. The stunned expression Jaemin shoots at him forces another smile out of him.

“Very witty, Lee Jeno,” Jaemin laughs. “But yes, I guess it is.”

“Figures.” Jeno shrugs. “But it’s cool. I think it suits you.”

“Why, _ thank you _ ,” Jaemin gasps, batting his long eyelashes which Jeno envies a bit. “I thought you were never going to say one nice thing to me.”

Jeno rolls his eyes. “I’ll take that right back.”

“No, you won’t. I’ll gladly accept a compliment if it’s from you.”

“Shut up Jaemin. I’ll push you into the water,” Jeno sighs, and leans against Jaemin enough to make Jaemin nearly lose his balance. 

Jaemin laughs, pushing back. “I love you and your empty threats.”

“Why am I tolerating you?” Jeno groans. “You’re not even funny.” 

Jaemin grins as he leans his head on Jeno’s shoulder. “Because you like me.”

The words make Jeno feel exposed, which surprises him. He doesn’t know why, but he feels like he just got caught, so he just glares at Jaemin before looking somewhere else. “That’s not true.”

“You’re not even looking into my eyes,” Jaemin giggles, placing a hand on Jeno’s knee and squeezing. “You’re so cute.”

Jeno flushes again and takes a deep breath. Somehow they’re sitting even closer to each other now, their sides pressed tightly together. It’s a bit awkward, but Jaemin’s warm and the way he knocks his shoe gently against Jeno’s makes it comfortable. Jeno almost wants to let himself lean against Jaemin, but he holds himself in check. He doesn’t  _ like  _ Jaemin that way.

They sit on the pier, chatting about their days and the nearing summer until it gets darker and the other people on the beach are long gone. Jaemin keeps taking pictures of the setting sun all the while tapping a random rhythm on Jeno’s knee with his fingers. The time passed so quickly that it feels like they only had an hour with each other.

Jeno hates that he never gets to do things like this. It’s nothing special, but he never goes out in the evening to just explore and sit on old piers to watch sunsets, only because he has never had anyone to go with.

He’s glad he met Jaemin, and it has really started to hit him only recently. He’s more sure of that every time Jaemin somehow manages to talk him into doing stuff with him, and he doesn’t think there are many times he hasn’t ended up having fun. He thought he hated Jaemin, but that’s not the case, hasn’t been that in a while.

“Where are you?” Jaemin asks suddenly, his voice gentle. 

Jeno blinks, and tears his gaze from the far distance where the sun has disappeared below the line of the horizon. “Huh?”

Jaemin chuckles. “What are you thinking about?”

_ You. _

“Uhh,” Jeno starts. “Just.. stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Jaemin asks. “Good or bad?”

“Good.” The answer comes out of Jeno’s mouth so quickly that he barely has time to register it.

But Jaemin just smiles. “That’s nice.”

This is bad, Jeno realizes. It’s bad, and yet he can’t seem to look away from Jaemin’s eyes. He’s getting himself into something serious, and for some reason it doesn’t bother him, not now when all he can focus on are Jaemin’s dark eyes. He doesn’t even realize how long it stretches, because it’s easy for him to be in such contact with Jaemin.

“Your eyes are so beautiful,” Jaemin whispers into the silence, lifting a hand to brush a few dark strands away from Jeno’s forehead. Jeno feels out of breath, and he wonders briefly if he wants to retreat from the touch. 

He doesn’t. He wants to stay right there, and the thought sounds weird compared to how he has been feeling about Jaemin all this time. It’s a huge contrast, but it’s real and it’s happening.

“Did I cross the line?” Jaemin asks then, his smile widening at the stunned look on Jeno’s face. Jeno can only shake his head lightly. He doesn’t think his voice would work properly at this point to answer. 

Jaemin seems slightly surprised at the response. His eyes are warm, and his touch lingers on Jeno’s cheek for a little longer before he pulls back. He lets out a small, quiet laugh and then gets up. Jeno follows him with his gaze.

_ What just happened? _

“Shall we go?” Jaemin asks, holding out a hand for Jeno. “It’s getting dark.”

“Yeah,” Jeno says, and grabs Jaemin’s warm hand. He wishes they had a little longer.

  
  


The walk back home goes way faster than the one to the beach. They hold hands the whole time, but this time neither questions it. It’s oddly natural, and Jaemin only lets go once when he remembers he has a polaroid camera in his bag. 

“Please let me take a picture of us, Jen.”

“I don’t think I can say no.”

“You’re right, you can’t.”

Jaemin doesn’t hold back, and pulls Jeno so close to him that their cheeks touch. He takes a few pictures and they almost lose balance in the process, both stumbling into each other’s feet. The printed out pictures stir up laughter so hard that it continues till they arrive home. Jaemin scribbles something on the back of the other picture before they separate and gives it to Jeno. He doesn’t dare to look at it yet.

When they get to the right floor Jaemin gives him the tightest hug, thanking him for the day. Something pleasant blooms in Jeno’s chest, and when he closes the door to his apartment he feels the kind of joy he hasn’t felt in a while.

  
  


He sits on his bed that night, biting the inside of his cheek. 

What  _ was  _ that?

It felt like a normal hangout until it didn't, and Jeno isn't sure why. Nothing changed, but it just started to feel like they got closer to each other at some point. Jaemin is someone Jeno realizes he enjoys being with, and while it's strange, he's not hating it. The Jeno from a month ago would, and that's what makes it so confusing. Everything shifted so quickly that Jeno isn't sure he can keep track of it anymore.

He's glad he went with Jaemin today, though.

**jeno [10.49PM]**

i had fun today

A part of him knows he's letting himself slip too far into it. A part of him knows what's happening to him, but he doesn't dare to think about it too much. Admitting it to himself would make it way too real.

**jaemin [10.56PM]**

jaemin 2, jeno 0

  
  


...

  
  


Later that night when Jeno can't sleep, he immerses himself into watching the first series he comes across to. His eyelids are starting to weigh distractingly much, the wandering of the day starting to get to him, and he isn't really paying attention to what's going on in the episode he's watching. 

He’s getting a bit too drowsy to hear the nearing footsteps from the dark hallway as well. In fact, he misses them completely.

“Are you seeing someone?” 

Jeno jumps, almost dropping his laptop from his lap. He lifts his head to see Doyoung standing by the door under a dim light, leaning against the doorframe and staring back at him just as intensely.

The question comes out of nowhere, and Jeno's face twists into an incredulous grimace when he registers what he's been asked.

“ _ What _ ?” He asks in bewilderment. Doyoung sips from the mug he has on his other hand and shrugs. His expression isn't saying much, yet there’s a weird glint in his eyes, one that Jeno doesn’t like a bit.

“I don’t know, I just thought. You’re acting different,” Doyoung reasons, walking in and taking a seat on Jeno’s desk chair. Jeno just gapes at him, eyes round. A dim memory from a few hours ago strikes him quickly, and his eyes drift from Doyoung to glance briefly at his desk.

_ Oh, shit. _

“I’m not seeing anyone,” Jeno says, and it isn’t entirely a lie. He isn’t seeing anyone, but he has hung out with Jaemin a couple of times. And all they have been doing is just hang out, it’s not like they’re going on dates. 

He twists the charger of his laptop in his fingers nervously. “It’s just school. I have plenty of homework, it’s stressful, you know.”

Doyoung sets his mug down on the desk and leans back on the chair. He looks like he has good arguments planned and ready to use, which isn't that good a sign. The guy is quite witty with his words when he wants to be, and he has this annoying ability to speak Jeno into admitting  _ anything _ . 

It's quite scary, if Jeno's being honest.

“It’s okay if you are seeing someone, Jeno,” Doyoung says, completely brushing off Jeno’s comment about schoolwork, as if it's obvious there’s something Jeno’s hiding. 

He kind of is, but he’s definitely not  _ seeing  _ Jaemin. 

He could tell Doyoung that he has made a new friend, but Doyoung would go and twist his words anyway. Also, he would probably get the embarrassing truth out to the daylight that Jeno is, in fact, starting to develop a crush on the said friend. That would be awful.

“In fact, that would be great!” Doyoung continues. “That could distract you from your excessive studying.”

Jeno lets the words sink in for a few seconds, until he gives the older a tired look. “Is that what you’re going after?”

“No, but studying day by day with little to no breaks at all isn’t healthy either,” Doyoung says, and waves his hand lightly. “But back to the point.”

Jeno rolls his eyes, watching how a wide, almost wicked grin spreads across Doyoung’s face.

“Lee Jeno, my baby, are you seeing someone?”

Jeno sighs exasperatedly, shaking his head. “No, _ Doyoung hyung _ , I’m not seeing anyone. Are  _ you _ seeing Jaehyun hyung?”

Doyoung’s mouth snaps shut. His eyes get comically wide before Jeno's eyes, and he looks nearly offended by the sudden change of topic. Jeno grins.

"But isn't it obvious, Jeno?" Doyoung asks, and buries his face into his other hand. Jeno lets out a laugh.

"You don't talk about it, so no, it really isn't."

"Well, now you know. It's been two months, I thought you were smarter than that."

"I thought so," Jeno chuckles. He goes back to his laptop, carefully hoping that this would be the end of the conversation.

"But I came here to interrogate  _ you _ , not the other way around," Doyoung says, and Jeno glances up briefly to see the older observing him.

"You're definitely seeing someone."

Jeno groans, hanging his head in defeat. “Can you drop it? I have stuff to do.”

Doyoung certainly doesn't drop it, the shit-eating smirk only growing on his face. Jeno can tell that Doyoung is seeing right through him, and all he's doing is filtering his words.

They both know he's leaving something unsaid though, considering the look on Doyoung's face. Unlike any other time, Jeno's determined to at least try and win this.

"I'm not seeing  _ anyone _ , period," Jeno says, pronouncing every word slow and clear, not breaking eye contact with the older just to try and convince him. He then points at the door, giving Doyoung a tight-lipped smile.

"Now get out." 

Doyoung searches his eyes for lies for a moment longer, stretching the silence until it seems like he gives up. 

"Alright then, if you say so," he says, grabbing his mug and the two empty water glasses Jeno has forgotten on his desk. Jeno holds his breath.

"Don't stay up too late," Doyoung says lightly, and Jeno's eyes follow him closely as he walks out of the door. Doyoung's face is weirdly expressionless, almost disturbingly so until he's gone, the door clicking shut gently after him. 

Jeno waits for a few beats longer until he lets out a relieved sigh. He runs his fingers through his disheveled hair, and when he's sure Doyoung isn't barging through the door again, he gets up from the bed.

Walking towards the desk, like he feared, he's met with the polaroid picture laying next to his desk lamp, the one Jaemin gave him earlier. He was supposed to put it somewhere safe, but he forgot it on the desk, on a very visible spot too. Doyoung didn't seem to notice it though, to Jeno's luck.

Jeno picks up the grainy, shaky polaroid of him and Jaemin side by side, cheek to cheek. He wouldn't be exaggerating if he said that Jaemin manhandled him into the picture, but he likes how the picture came out. It's cute. 

He flips the polaroid in his hand to see a big heart drawn on the other side. The lines are thick and wobbly, the heart looking a bit out of place, but it brings a small smile on Jeno's lips nevertheless.

He peeks at the door behind him again, before he puts the picture in the top drawer of his desk, making sure to push it between the post it notes. It’s not like he and Doyoung rummage through each other’s stuff anyway, so he should be safe. 

It's fine to keep a few things from Doyoung. Maybe he will find out eventually, but Jeno doesn't need to worry about it now. He's not going to be declaring his silly crush to everyone anytime soon - he's the most likely going to keep it all to himself for a long, long time, until the feeling slowly subsides.

  
  


…

  
  


The feeling is definitely not about to subside. Jeno knows he has it bad when he can’t get Jaemin’s smile out of his mind for one minute. Not when he’s studying, eating or even sleeping. The guy has etched himself in Jeno’s brain so deeply that he has snuck his way into his dreams as well. The most bothering part is that when Jeno wakes up from a dream where he and Jaemin are a little closer than they actually are, he finds himself being upset.

It gets to the point where Jeno wishes to see Jaemin at least once everyday just so he could get a break from the constant thoughts of him. It works, at least for the first few times. 

Jeno flops down on his bed after having lunch with Doyoung. It's Saturday, and it’s been a week since he last went out with Jaemin.

He opens his messages to search for Jaemin's number. The thought of sending Jaemin a message has been in his mind for a few days now. He has planned the whole thing through for a hundred times just to humor himself, but he’s still biting the dry skin on his lips nervously when he gets to the task. His fingers hover over the keyboard hesitantly, and as simple as the question he has is, it's difficult to put it in the correct words not to sound too forward. But Jaemin is always forward _ ,  _ Jeno thinks as he gathers his courage and starts to type out a sentence.

The thing is, Jaemin has been the one taking care of arranging their meetups every single time. It was never a problem, nor did it ever bother Jeno until now that he realized it. To this day he still acts like Jaemin annoys him, and that's why he wants to be the one asking Jaemin. He wants to let him know what he likes to see him too, because he  _ has _ to see him in order to get that stupid, handsome face out of his mind.

He reads the drafts he writes over and over, grimacing to himself. He sounds too awkward, and he deletes the words only to type them all again a few seconds later in a different way. How hard can it be?

_ Very _ hard, apparently. 

No matter how many times Jaemin insists to hang out with him, Jeno still feels like Jaemin only asks him when he doesn’t have anyone else in mind. Jeno hardly ever has other plans, so usually when he doesn’t come up with a good enough excuse (which is  _ very _ often) he gives in and meets Jaemin whenever Jaemin asks him. The first handful of times he agreed just so Jaemin would stop bothering him, but now it's different. 

Jaemin can be busy at times, and Jeno feels like he’s going to get a rejection no matter what. On a second thought, he isn't really losing anything whatever the outcome is going to be. At least Jaemin would hopefully get the hint that Jeno likes to have him around, and that’s what the goal is.

That’s what eventually gives him enough courage to send the message. 

**jeno [12.26PM]**

_ hey, just thought if you’d like to go somewhere today? _

_ i'm bored _

He thinks it sounds alright, but seeing the message being delivered makes him cringe anyway, so he locks his phone and throws it to the feet of his bed. Knowing Jaemin, he’s always somewhere near his phone, so Jeno could be expecting an answer very soon.

He tries to find something to busy himself with, something that would distract him for a bit. He wants Jaemin to reply, but at the same time he never wants to pick up his phone again. Jaemin declining is a possibility, yet the thought of actually being  _ rejected  _ makes Jeno want to bury himself.

His eyes find a dark pile of abandoned clothing next to his door, and just when he starts to consider doing  _ laundry _ for distraction, the screen of his phone lights up. Jeno stares at the lit up screen, squinting in an attempt of seeing the message on his lockscreen, as if seeing it from a safe distance would reduce the weird feeling of embarrassment eating him from inside. 

Giving up quickly, Jeno stretches out his arm to grab the device from the bed. The butterflies in his stomach are stirring again as he unlocks his phone, prepares himself and...

**jaem [12.32PM]**

_ ahhh, sorry jen I have a shit ton of school stuff to do today :( maybe some other day? i’d love to go <3 _

Jeno juts out his lip. He did expect a rejection, but having it there in front of his eyes still makes him deflate a little bit. 

**jeno [12.33PM]**

_ it's ok, let's go when you're free _

Jeno puts his phone away. He wishes he was still at the point where he couldn't care less about some  _ Jaemin _ so that he could live his life normally again with no distracting feelings involved. 

His phone lets out the same notification sound again, and Jeno hates how his heart jumps and his arm shoots to get back to his phone. He opens the message, biting the inside of his cheek. 

**jaem [12.35PM]**

_ yeah :) we can go next week, on monday maybe? _

The text makes a small smile form on Jeno’s lips. It feels like a promise, and Jeno is more than eager to have it.

…

  
  


The Saturday proceeds slowlier than usual. With the weather being nice for once, Jeno is on his way to go get coffee for him and Doyoung to kill some of his time before going to the grocery store nearby.

He pushes the door of the café open and the homely scent of coffee meets him instantly. The line is a bit long, but he walks to the end of it anyway, grabbing his phone from his pocket. He sends Doyoung a quick message, asking him if there's something special he needs him to bring.

He pushes his phone back into his pocket, and lifts his head. The cafe is the one Jaemin brought him to for the first time, and since then Jeno has grown to like the place. It's cozy, and he has ended up studying there more than he does at the library nowadays.

He's focusing on the worn out paint on the walls (have they always been  _ that _ brown?) when a blotch of a very outstanding blue in the corner of his eyes catches his attention. His brain is quick to bring an image of certain someone to his mind, and Jeno's eyes flicker over to focus on the said color.

And  _ oh, _ he sees exactly who the color reminded him of. Sitting next to some guy, Jaemin is there with that sharp, familiar grin on his lips, his attention solely on his companion. What Jeno focuses on even more, however, is how Jaemin has his arm around the boy’s shoulder, holding him close. Jeno doesn’t know why, but the loving look in Jaemin's eyes bothers him a lot more than it should. He doesn’t like the sight, not when seconds later Jaemin's lips are pressed on the stranger's cheek in a sweet kiss.

Jeno freezes. His stomach churns uncomfortably, and suddenly he's locking his eyes with the boy Jaemin’s busy smooching. Jeno is about to whip his head away when the boy’s face flashes recognition and he smirks.  _ Smirks. _

Jeno's breath catches in his throat, but not in a pleasant way. The boy looks satisfied, and Jeno can only stare, his head blanking completely. 

Then the boy turns his head to say something to Jaemin. Jeno snaps out of it and panics in fear of Jaemin seeing him. It’s all enough to distract him from the growing, burning feeling gnawing at his chest. He has to get the hell out,  _ now. _

Before the boy Jeno has never seen before has time to inform Jaemin about his presence, he rushes out of the cafe, muttering quick apologies when he forces his way through the people. The door is only a few steps from him, but it feels too far away. 

A sudden bang of embarrassment hits him out of nowhere as he bursts out of the door and runs. He doesn’t even know what he’s embarrassed of, but he is and he hates it. 

He runs the next few blocks just to be sure there's no way Jaemin could somehow see him, until the burn in his lungs forces him to slow down. He stops for a moment to breathe, and that’s when it hits him. 

Jaemin said he’s busy with schoolwork today. He said he has homework and just now Jeno saw him in that stupid coffee shop, being all lovely and sweet with some other guy. The burn of jealousy in his chest increases until it morphs into a dull ache.

Jaemin was never interested in him in that way. What was he thinking? Jeno rubs his face roughly. He wants to scream.

It was at the back of his mind all the time, that he's being an idiot for allowing himself to fall in love with someone who’s known for being a flirt like that. Of course Jaemin wasn't interested in him, he was just acting like he does with everyone else. He treated Jeno like everyone else, and yet, Jeno fell for it. 

But did Jaemin realize Jeno’s growing feelings towards him? If so, did he lead him on on purpose? 

The boy Jaemin was with definitely knew something. The way he smirked at Jeno, it screamed judgement, and Jeno can't help feeling like his feelings were a big joke all along.

It's not very often that Jeno gets worked up to the point where his emotions get the best of him, but he feels his eyes stinging nevertheless. The betrayal burning his insides turns quickly into anger, and he doesn't even know if it's directed at himself for being so gullible or at Jaemin for treating him like they had something when he's having another thing with someone else.

Jeno knew Jaemin was no good news when he offered him that coffee in their first class together, and he should have kept that in mind. 

He feels so  _ stupid _ .

  
  


…

  
  
  


Jeno enters the apartment quietly, taking deep breaths to keep his composure. He hears Doyoung's muffled voice coming from the kitchen, and Jeno hopes he didn't hear him coming home. He doesn’t need anyone to see him right now, he doesn't think he could -

“Hey, did you bring the eggs?” Doyoung appears from behind the corner without a warning, and Jeno doesn't even have the energy to put on a smile to cover the growing turmoil inside of him. He watches Doyoung's face fall the second he sees him, and it’s silent save for the radio playing quietly in the background. Doyoung's eyebrows pinch into a frown, as he approaches Jeno.

Jeno averts his eyes, swallowing the thickness in his throat. 

“I didn’t - I didn’t remember the eggs." Jeno's reply comes late, his voice sounding weaker than he expected. He doesn't even sound like himself, and he clears his throat briefly, kicking off his shoes.

“Did something happen?” Doyoung’s voice is so gentle that it's all it takes for Jeno's eyes to start burning all over again. He thought he got over the biggest dump of feelings but the sting is a lot stronger this time, and Jeno ducks his head down. The tears fall faster than he realizes them even forming.

Doyoung inhales sharply, and Jeno hears him walking closer until two warm hands set on his shoulders. He sounds worried when he asks, “Jeno, what's wrong?” 

Jeno blinks down at the floor, his lips quivering. He can't even bring himself to tell Doyoung about it, that's how much of an idiot he feels. He wouldn't be able to talk anyway since more tears roll down his cheeks and he has to cover his mouth to stop himself from sobbing. 

At some point Doyoung drags him away from the door to the living room, sitting him down on the couch.

"Jeno, what is it? You're scaring me," Doyoung says, his hand rubbing Jeno's shoulder. Jeno is quick to shake his head, wiping his eyes.

"S-sorry," He manages to croak out. "I don't - I-I don't even know what the hell I'm crying for." 

Doyoung's arms wrap tightly around him, pulling him into a comforting embrace. Jeno sniffs, leaning his head on Doyoung's shoulder as the older rocks them gently from side to side.

"Whatever it is," Doyoung starts. "You know you can talk to me, right?" 

Jeno watches the wall, biting his lips as he tries to fight the fresh tears from welling into his eyes. He doesn't want to cry. It doesn't feel like something worth crying over, and yet, he feels so broken. A part of him wants to tell everything to Doyoung, how Jaemin made him so happy, how every second spent with him made him feel alive. 

He liked him. He learned to love the butterflies in his stomach, the warmth on his cheeks, and to suddenly learn that it was all one-sided, it almost makes him feel sick. The butterflies are dead and Jeno's heart feels like it's been torn from its seams.

  
  


…

  
  


Jaemin sends him a message the next evening. It's raining again.

**jaem [8.43PM]**

_ hey jen, shall we go tomorrow after classes? ;)  _

Jeno stares at the message on his phone for a long time. He wants to reply to the message and forget everything that happened yesterday. He still wants to see Jaemin, but the hurt is dominant this time, easily overshadowing all of the other feelings in him. The logical part of his brain screams that he's not special to Jaemin and it's his own fault for getting it all wrong. 

It was a misunderstanding, but he can't help but be brought back to all the moments where he caught Jaemin looking at him, or where Jaemin leaned so close that Jeno almost felt his breath hitting against his skin. Or just a few days ago when Jaemin insisted on taking a picture of the two of them together, pulling Jeno  _ so _ close and later drawing a heart behind the printed out picture. 

Jeno locks his phone and puts it down. He pulls open the top drawer of his desk, chewing on his lip as he pulls the polaroid picture out from between the notes.

Looking at the picture made him feel giddy only a few days earlier. Now it has morphed into something murky and ugly and it aches somewhere deep. Jeno turns the picture around to see the big heart at the back.

Jaemin knew. He had to, and yet he led Jeno on while seeing another boy behind his back.

Jeno chooses to ignore Jaemin's message in the end. All he's gaining from thinking about the whole thing is a headache and a shitty feeling that won't go away. 

He flips the polaroid in his hands, suddenly getting an urge to rip it and get rid of it. He could begin to try to wipe the memories of Jaemin out of his head. He knows it would be for the best - he could return to his old life and routines. Everything could go back to normal, but he can’t do it. He doesn’t even  _ want _ to do it, and there’s no sensible reason for it. He just doesn’t want to forget Jaemin because there are no other Jaemins out there. He’ll never come across another guy like him, so the thought of completely forgetting about him daunts Jeno. 

Jeno throws the picture back into the drawer and gets up from his seat. How can he ever get over it when it felt so real and so right? It felt like an once in a lifetime kind of thing, but it already ended before even getting anywhere. It was not serious.

Jeno walks to his bed and falls on it, sighing. He needs a nap.

  
  


...

  
  


During the past few months Jeno grew to like the early math classes of Monday mornings. Today is the first time in a long time when he debates whether to attend the class or not. In fact, he doesn't want to think about doing it at all. 

He's sitting in the hallway, shuffling his other shoe against the floor. The morning felt difficult, the only positive thing being that Doyoung offered to make them a decent breakfast just to cheer Jeno up. It helped, and he actually forgot about the whole mess for a moment and felt better. 

Thankfully Doyoung isn't forcing him into talking. He doesn't ask questions about what happened on Saturday and Jeno's grateful for it. He doesn't want to talk about it and fortunately Doyoung seems to understand.

He's so deep in his thoughts that he doesn't manage to hear the familiar footsteps echoing from the other end of the hallway until it's too late. 

"Hi Jeno!" 

Oh. 

Oh  _ no. _

Jeno turns his head and bites the inside of his lip so hard that he almost tastes blood in his mouth. He's met with a brightly smiling Jaemin, and he hates how seeing him still makes his stomach jump, as if some part of him is still happy to see him. It makes him feel like he’s lying to himself.

"Hey," he replies, his voice empty. He sounds distant and hollow, and he's quick to look away from Jaemin again. 

Jaemin stands there, quiet, and Jeno feels his gaze burning against the side of his head. He hopes for Jaemin to get the hint and to just leave him. He doesn't want to talk to him. 

"You look a bit pale. Is something wrong?" Jaemin asks then, moving a little closer in an attempt of catching Jeno's eyes. 

"No," Jeno says. "I'm great." 

Jaemin looks confused when Jeno turns back at him. His eyebrows are furrowed, and Jeno can almost see how his brain is working on trying to figure out what’s going on.

"You sure? Are you coming to class?" Jaemin asks, pointing a thumb towards the stairs to the classroom on the second floor. Jeno follows the direction Jaemin points at, and he feels a little sick. He didn't know it's even possible to feel that way when it's all solely about his feelings, but everything seems to be out of his control.

"I'll… think about it," Jeno says. His answer sounds dumb and it doesn't even make sense, but he can't find it in himself to go with Jaemin. 

Jaemin looks dumbfounded. 

"Jeno, what's wrong? You're acting so weird," He says, stepping closer and reaching out a hand to cup Jeno's cheek. Jeno sees it coming - he  _ felt  _ it coming, and he pulls away before Jaemin's hand comes in contact, as if his touch would burn him. 

"I'm fine. You can go," Jeno says hurriedly. He thinks he sees a quick flash of hurt in Jaemin's confused eyes as he redacts his hand, but he could be imagining things. He's proven to be good at doing that, anyway. 

"Hey…" 

"Go, Jaemin." 

"Jeno, I -"

"Just go!" 

The volume in which his voice comes out startles them both. Jaemin freezes to his spot, his eyes going wide. Jeno feels like his heart might stop, that's how quick it's beating, and the regret of raising his voice floods through him instantly.

Jaemin looks conflicted. It's obvious he wants to do something but is afraid of how Jeno might react. Jeno thinks it's the best he leaves now, so he exhales shakily and gets up from his seat, turning away from Jaemin again.

"Tell the prof I'll be late," Jeno mumbles. He can’t bring himself to meet Jaemin’s eyes. "Sorry… I didn't mean to yell." 

He can still feel Jaemin's gaze on the side of his face.

"Um, okay.. alright.” Jaemin’s voice is unusually small, and when Jeno looks at him, he's running his fingers through his hair. Jeno can tell he's uncomfortable. 

"I'll see you around?" Jaemin asks anyway, a hint of hope in his voice.

Jeno gives him a tight smile. 

"Yeah," he whispers and takes a step farther. "I'll see you around," He says, before he turns around and walks away hurriedly, searching for the closest bathroom.

  
  


Jeno locks the door of the only bathroom he found was empty and leans against the door. 

He can't face Jaemin. Not when his stupid feelings are being a stupid fucking mess. Seeing Jaemin does weird things to him, and as much as he thought he got used to it, right now the feeling only nauseates him. 

He has to get over it, but nothing like this ever happens to him and he has no idea how to deal with something as complicated. Even the thought of letting Jaemin know it makes him want to rip his hair out. 

He wants to believe that Jaemin had no idea, but the heart at the back of the polaroid picture in his drawer is a big hint of that not being the case. He doesn't want to hate Jaemin, but if he knew about Jeno's feelings and just played along, then Jeno thinks he's one big, heartless asshole.

He buries his face into his hands. He has to clear his head and then try to drag himself to class. That would mean sitting next to Jaemin though, and Jeno doesn't know how that would go.

He takes a deep breath in and lets one out, pulling his phone out. He sees a few messages from Jaemin, but he swipes the notifications off the screen quickly. Doyoung could kick some sense into his brain now. Somehow he always knows what to say to make things more bearable, so Jeno types hastily a message, hoping Doyoung isn’t too busy.

**jeno [09.23AM]**

_ i feel awful. i can't go to class _

He pulls off his backpack and looks for a water bottle. His phone informs him of a new message soon, and Jeno sighs in relief when he sees Doyoung's name on the screen. 

**doyoung hyung [09.25AM]**

_ Aww, Jeno :( Where are you? _

**jeno [09.26AM]**

_ in a restroom _

_ i feel like I'm going to throw up _

**doyoung hyung [09.26AM]**

_ What happened?? _

**jeno [09.27AM]**

_ nothing _

_ i just can't go to class _

**doyoung hyung [09.28AM]**

_ Hmm. _

_ Should you go home? _

_ You didn’t look well in the morning, and although I don't know what it is, it's obviously stressing you out a lot. _

**doyoung hyung [09.28AM]**

_ Maybe you should let yourself rest for today to sort it out? _

It wouldn't be a bad idea to just skip for today. Jeno doesn't even have that many classes, but the thought of skipping because of something like this - it freaks him out a little bit. If feelings are this hard to deal with, he never wants to get himself involved with anything like this ever again.

He contemplates for a moment. There's that familiar pressure behind his eyes again, threatening to burst out in the form of tears. He doesn't know what's wrong with him - he's usually not so sensitive.

  
  


**jeno [09.30AM]**

_ should I? _

_ i don't know _

**doyoung hyung [09.31AM]**

_ Go home, Jeno. I'm free after 2. Let's talk then, okay? _

**jeno [09.31AM]**

_ okay. _

**doyoung hyung [09.32AM]**

_ <3 _

  
  
  


Jeno arrives home. His head aches and there's an uncomfortable lump in his throat when he slumps down on his bed and buries himself under his blanket.

He should sleep. At least that would free him from the constant, annoying thoughts in his head. He doesn't want it to affect him this much - he never even thought it would. It didn't occur to him before that this is how much Jaemin meant to him. This is really how far he allowed himself to go.

His phone keeps on vibrating somewhere where he left it in the pocket of his hoodie. It's unlikely Doyoung is the one trying to reach out to him every half an hour, so Jeno doesn't bother getting up. Doyoung will be home in the afternoon anyway. 

He should really get more sleep. His eyes weigh a ton, and it's quiet for once, so he turns over, wrapping the blanket tightly around him. 

It's drizzling outside. Funny, how the weather looks like it knows exactly how Jeno feels again.

  
  


…

  
  


**jaem [09.14AM]**

_ are you okay?  _

**jaem [09.18AM]**

_ jeno :( _

_ you want me to take notes for you? (i kinda suck at that but i'll try for you!) _

**jaem [10.02AM]**

_ did you get sick? you really didn't look too well earlier _

_ i took notes for you btw! _

**jaem [2.20PM]**

_ i didn't see you at school anymore :( did you go home? _

**jaem [3.59PM]**

_ [MISSED CALL FROM jaem] _

**jaem [4.02PM]**

_ you're worrying me, jeno _

_ did i do something wrong? _

**jaem [4.36PM]**

_ [MISSED CALL FROM jaem] _

**jaem [6.56PM]**

_ can we talk? _

  
  


Jeno locks his phone. He doesn’t know what to do and nothing feels like it would bring him solace. He hates being so upset about something that could have been avoided entirely.

Maybe he should just stay away from Jaemin. That way everything could eventually fall into their right places. He doesn’t want to do it, but he doesn’t want his heart to shatter either. It would be stupid of him to ignore the facts and go on as if nothing happened. It would break him in the long run; it already did, so why does he think he could keep going while knowing Jaemin isn’t ever going to feel the same way?

He wishes he never got to know Jaemin. He wishes he didn't allow himself to fall so deep, everything would have turned out so much differently. He wouldn't have to deal with this. He could be back in his normal routines with school being the only thing causing him stress.

  
  


…

  
  


It takes all of Jeno's willpower and self-control to walk into the classroom the next day. He got almost late with how much he hesitated and contemplated. His heart screamed at him to stay at home and let the storm die down a little bit, but knowing he's been skipping way too much already made him go.

When Jeno walks in, the first thing he notices is that his and Jaemin’s seats are empty. Jaemin either hasn't arrived yet or then he's not coming and Jeno almost lets himself relax and let out a relieved breath. However, before he gets to do that, he spots Jaemin at the other end of the classroom.

Jeno's stomach drops, and he looks away quickly. He knows Jaemin is staring right back at him, following his every move closely, but Jeno tries to ignore him. There's not much he can do, and he's back at hoping that he’ll get through this smoothly. 

Apparently, Jaemin isn't sharing the same thoughts with him. Jeno barely has the time to sit down when Jaemin already approaches him, and carefully takes a seat next to him. It's weird how cautious Jaemin is acting.

"Jeno," Jaemin says softly.

Jeno doesn't answer. He doesn't even think he can keep his voice stable right now, so he ends up just taking a quick glimpse at Jaemin, avoiding a longer eye contact. 

"Hey, what's going on?" Jaemin asks. He leans against his desk, trying to see Jeno's face better. "I tried to call you." 

"Something came up," Jeno replies shortly. "I was busy." 

Jaemin frowns. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah."

"Then what happened yesterday? You never came to class." 

Jeno sighs and looks at Jaemin with tired eyes. "I got sick."

Jaemin arches a brow, clearly not buying it. Jeno wouldn't either, but it's not like he has other choices than to make up poor excuses. 

Jaemin leans back on his seat, eyeing Jeno's face. "No you didn't." 

Jeno knows he should stay calm but right now, looking at Jaemin only angers him. 

"You don't know anything, Jaemin," Jeno hisses. "Just forget about it." 

"Will you tell me what's wrong though?" Jaemin asks. "You're mad at me." 

Jeno shakes his head lightly, turning his gaze away from Jaemin. Coincidentally, Mr. Jung walks in, so Jeno has a reason not to talk. 

"The class is starting," Jeno just mumbles, leaning against the wall next to him, opening his laptop. 

"I don't care," Jaemin says. "Tell me what's wrong." 

"Jaemin," Jeno starts, and rubs his face. "Nothing is wrong." 

"Stop lying." 

"I'm not lying!" 

"But you're not telling -" 

"Mr. Lee, Mr. Na," Mr. Jung cuts them off. "Tone it down. The class starts now." 

Jeno hears Jaemin scoffing next to him in frustration, and Jeno's stomach knots up. He hates this. 

They both stay silent throughout the whole class. Jeno does his best not to look at Jaemin to prevent their eyes from meeting, and he tries to focus on the class. It's not easy and he feels like he can't get anything done, but at least Jaemin isn't trying to continue asking about yesterday. That's all that matters to Jeno.

And when the class ends later, Jeno rushes out of the room before Jaemin has the chance to stop him. He thinks he heard Jaemin calling after him anyway, but he didn’t stay to make sure.

  
  


...

  
  


The same goes on for at least the following two weeks. Jeno isn't sure, he isn't counting. All he tries to keep track of are his feelings. Is he already starting to feel less for Jaemin? Is the ache in his chest beginning to disappear?

No, and no. Definitely not. Everything is the same, if not worse. 

After four days of trying to constantly talk to Jeno, Jaemin gave up. That's what it seemed like, and after that he stopped messaging Jeno like he used to. He doesn't try to call him either, and one morning Jaemin just doesn’t sit with him in their shared class. Jeno thought he’d be relieved, but that wasn’t the case. It felt final. 

They're losing contact, and while it seems like Jeno’s plan is working, his mood hasn't lifted a bit. He can't concentrate on school - he can't even sleep properly at this point, he's thinking about Jaemin too much. 

He feels like his brain has fogged up. Everything is dull now, nothing sparks interest in him anymore. It scares him, how everything in him feels so shut down. Even Doyoung points it out as it goes on.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Doyoung asks one day, interrupting Jeno’s brooding. Lately, the only thing Jeno has been interested in have been the random videos popping up on his Youtube recommendations. 

“Huh?” Jeno asks, tearing his gaze away from his phone. 

“A walk?” Doyoung repeats, and he sounds so hopeful that Jeno doesn’t know if he has other options than to go. He doesn’t really have the energy, though. His head is stuffy, and he doesn’t feel like he can get out of bed just yet. 

“Uhh…” 

“Just a short one?”

Jeno puts his phone away. “Later?”

“Oh my god, Jeno,” Doyoung steps into Jeno’s room and strides straight towards his bed. “I don’t know what’s happening to you but you need to cheer up. This can’t go on.”

Jeno starts to protest - he really doesn’t need any cheering up, he just wants to sulk in peace. Before he gets a word out of his mouth, Doyoung climbs on the bed and drapes his body over him.

“What are you doing?” Jeno grunts under Doyoung’s weight as the older wraps his arms around him 

“Cheer up,” Doyoung’s voice is muffled as he rolls them over. Jeno tries to squirm out of his arms, but Doyoung only tightens his hold around him, tucking his head into his neck.

Jeno grabs Doyoung’s shoulders and tries to push him off. “I can’t breathe.”

“Too bad, I want to cuddle,” Doyoung mumbles, humming in satisfaction once Jeno circles his arms around him only to squeeze back even tighter.

“That’s a bit aggressive but I’ll have it,” Doyoung says. “Please cheer up.”

“Let go of me,” Jeno grumbles. “Maybe then I will.”

Doyoung laughs, but he doesn’t let go. He doesn’t even move, and Jeno doesn’t see the point in trying to fight against him. He sighs, and lets himself be cuddled. 

They lie in silence for what feels like forever, at least to Jeno. It’s quite comforting though, and it makes him feel better so he isn’t complaining. Maybe all he needed was just a big hug all along.

“You’re worrying me, Jeno,” Doyoung says suddenly, just when Jeno started to think he might have fallen asleep.

Jeno’s worried about himself too, but at least he knows what’s going on. Doyoung doesn’t, so he has the right to be concerned.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Doyoung says. “But don’t shut me out either. I just want to help you.”

“I know,” Jeno replies. “You don’t need to worry though.” 

“No,” Doyoung interrupts him. “I do, I worry a lot. You’re not okay and it scares me because I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Jeno feels guilty knowing Doyoung has stressed himself over it when it isn’t about anything serious at all. It’s not a big deal. Just an unrequited crush.

He fiddles with his fingers behind Doyoung's back. Doyoung doesn't force him into talking about it, but Jeno knows he doesn't stop until he knows what's going on. Jeno doesn't blame him. He didn't know he would react so strongly to a thing like this either.

“I liked someone,” Jeno finds it easy to whisper, but it comes out so unexpectedly that his stomach knots up for a second. It’s out. There’s no taking it back, but he doesn’t think it matters. Nothing about it matters anymore, and he has been doing his everything to recover from it. 

“You liked someone?” Doyoung asks, and he sounds only mildly surprised. Jeno nods, and he’s relieved Doyoung can’t see him. His face would probably say so much more, and he isn’t ready for that.

“What happened?” 

Jeno expected him to ask that but he doesn’t know how to answer him. Although it’s simple, explaining it is going to be the difficult part. He still likes Jaemin, but he _ hates  _ it now.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Doyoung is quiet, and it makes Jeno nervous. What is he thinking? They don’t talk about feelings everyday anyway, so Jeno’s afraid it’s going to end up awkward for both of them.

“You still like them,” Doyoung realizes, and rubs Jeno’s back. “Don’t you?”

Here’s Jeno’s chance. He finally feels like he can talk about it, he could just spill it all out now. He could tell Doyoung how he fell in love and was fine with it, believing it was mutual. He felt loved, but it all turned out to be in his own head. Jaemin didn’t feel the same and it should have been obvious. But  _ Jeno _ was in love with him, and he hates that he allowed himself to do that. 

“But he doesn’t like me,” Is all Jeno manages to choke out in the end instead of replying to Doyoung. His eyes burn. He hasn’t recovered at all - it's just as excruciating as it was before.

“Oh, Jeno,” Doyoung sighs. Jeno stares at the blurry window behind Doyoung’s back, trying to blink away the forming tears. He doesn’t want to be hurt by it anymore. It’s exhausting - he feels like he doesn't have energy to do anything else but to think about Jaemin,  _ always  _ Jaemin.

“It wasn’t serious though,” Jeno forces himself to say. “I knew it wouldn’t have worked out so I don’t know why I’m so upset.”

“But I can tell it meant a lot to you,” Doyoung says. “It’s okay to be sad about it.”

“I think I’m doing a good job at that,” Jeno huffs, and lifts his other hand to rub his eyes. “It just sucks.” 

“I know it does,” Doyoung says. “But while it hurts, don’t think of it as a bad thing. I’m sure you got something positive out of it as well.”

Jeno can’t see what could be positive about unrequited love, but there haven’t been many happy things in his mind lately anyway so it doesn’t surprise him. He wishes he saw Doyoung’s point, but he has to try to fix himself first. If the hurting is all he can think about, then there’s no way for him to try to see the bright sides.

“But, you know,” Doyoung starts. “I won’t even tell you there are other people out there who can make you feel the same, because that’s not how it always goes. But maybe you’ll meet someone else, and while they might not make you feel the same things, they can be just as amazing in different ways.”

Jeno wants to believe Doyoung. It’s difficult to imagine having what he had with Jaemin again, with someone else though. Jeno knows the way he thinks isn’t right, but he can’t help it. Everything with Jaemin felt right, and he can't see that repeating with anyone else.

"You'll be okay, though. It'll be hard for a while but I promise it'll get better if you just let it hurt while it does," Doyoung says. “But please talk about it if it helps at all.”

Jeno can only nod - his voice would probably fail him. He hugs Doyoung tighter, and lets the hug take some of the pain away, even if it was for a little bit.

  
  


…

  
  


**Unknown number [1.16PM]**

_ is this lee jeno?? _

It’s already late, but Jeno keeps going back to a message he got earlier that day. It’s another Monday and today Jeno bumped into Jaemin for the first time in a few weeks. They’re seeing each other less these days, and it’s relieving. That’s what Jeno tells himself.

Jeno had been on his way to class when Jaemin happened to appear from around a corner, nearly walking into him. It was quiet and awkward when they both took a few steps away from each other. Jaemin looked cold when his gaze met Jeno's, the empty look in his eyes sending shivers down Jeno's back.

It had been a while since Jeno had last seen Jaemin, but that was not the Jaemin he used to know. That Jaemin looked rough and tired and so out of place. He didn't even look like himself. Jaemin didn't even greet him, and Jeno wonders why he thought he would.

Suddenly Jaemin looked like he was going to say something, and Jeno snapped out of it. Jaemin stepped closer, so while panicking, Jeno had just mumbled a quiet  _ sorry _ , and walked around him to keep going. It felt wrong,  _ so  _ wrong that a part of him wanted to turn around just to have Jaemin next to him for a minute. But Jaemin was a stranger now. He didn't look at Jeno the same way he did before, and it's fine. Everything is fine.

When Jeno glanced behind him, Jaemin had disappeared. Jeno didn’t know why he thought he would still be there, looking back at him. He hated the way it made him sad.

He has been wondering when Jaemin is going to start ignoring him as well, but they’re not there yet, it seems. It's already bad seeing Jaemin around, but now that it looks like he's starting to let Jeno go, it's so much worse.

At least some people seem to be happy he and Jaemin aren’t hanging out anymore. The amount of satisfied smirks he has got from random girls in the hallways says it all. He and Jaemin were never meant to be, nor were they ever going to be accepted. Everything’s better now that things are back to how they originally were.

The worst thing is, however, that Donghyuck has started to glare at Jeno whenever their eyes meet. It's kind of terrifying, and Jeno tries to leave those situations as fast as possible. He doesn't want to fight with anyone, and Donghyuck seems like someone who could beat him up to the spot.

Jeno thinks the message might be from Donghyuck himself, and therefore he hasn't replied to it. He tries to ignore it, until his phone goes off later again, a string of messages popping up on his screen.

It could be a prank. It wouldn’t be the first time.

**Unknown number [10.44PM]**

_ i know you’ve seen that _

_ and assuming you’re jeno, listen up _

**Unknown number [10.45PM]**

_ meet me tomorrow outside the cafeteria at 3 _

_ it's renjun btw and i need to talk to you _

  
  


…

  
  


Initially, Jeno decided that he wouldn't go. The name Renjun doesn't sound familiar, so the sender of the messages could be  _ anyone _ . Jeno would never go meet a stranger, at least when he doesn't know the reason for it, and he wasn’t about to go until later in the afternoon when his curiosity took the best of him.

He doesn't stay outside the cafeteria just to be sure, but sits farther away where he can still see the spot instead. It's already nearing three in the afternoon.

There are a few students outside, but none of them look like they would have something to do with Jeno. No one looks like they're waiting for anything either, and when the minutes pass Jeno starts to think that it was really just a prank. He can't come up with another sensible explanation for it. 

Jeno starts to make his leave when he notices a boy walking towards him with confident, quick footsteps. The closer he gets, the more familiar he seems, and it doesn't take long until Jeno realizes he’s the one he saw with Jaemin in the café.

"About the time we meet," The boy says when he stops in front of Jeno. His gaze is sharp when it jars into Jeno's eyes, and Jeno thinks he looks a bit intimidating. He starts to regret his decision to stay immediately.

"My name's Renjun," Renjun, as Jeno had already learned, introduces himself. “Glad you decided to show up.”

Jeno tried not to. He thought he was far enough not to be noticed.

"Um, can I... help you with something?" Jeno asks carefully.

"Yes, I have a question for you," Renjun says, the look in his eyes dark. He looks  _ angry,  _ and Jeno swallows. The guy is definitely intimidating. 

"Okay." 

"Okay? I’m not even going to be nice about this, you know," Renjun says. "Lee Jeno, what the  _ fuck _ is your deal?"

Renjun sounds just as annoyed as he seems, and the unexpected question takes Jeno aback. He has no idea what Renjun’s talking about, so all he can do is sit and stare back at him.

"Are you listening?" Renjun crosses his arms. "I asked, what the fuck is your deal?" 

Jeno really wishes he knew the context behind the conversation - he feels like he should, but he doesn't, and Renjun doesn’t look happy about the fact.

"Do you even realize how your stupid little silent treatment is affecting Jaemin?" Renjun asks then, and Jeno freezes. He already assumed Jaemin had something to do with this, but he was hoping to be wrong.

Renjun is the one Jaemin kissed, and Jeno's chest tightens at the memory. He isn't sure what to say. He doesn't even know what Renjun is accusing him of. 

" _ What? _ " Jeno asks.

Renjun scoffs. "Jaemin! I've known him for a decade and I've never seen him as down as he's been for the past weeks because of  _ you!" _

Jeno has so many questions, but he doesn't know how to voice any of them. "What do you mean because of  _ me _ ?" he asks instead. "What have I done wrong?" 

Renjun raises his eyebrows. "You're not actually asking me that, are you?" 

"Yes?" 

"Oh my god, shut  _ up. _ "

"I'm sorry? I really don't know what you're talking about.”

Renjun groans and rubs his face. "Why did you start avoiding Jaemin? What did he do to you?" 

Jeno opens his mouth to reply, but stops right before he blurts it out. From what Jeno has understood, Jaemin and Renjun are a thing, and he doesn't think he has the right to say that he avoids Jaemin because he thought there was something between Jaemin and  _ him _ . It wouldn't be right, and he doesn’t want to cause any more drama than there already is.

Renjun waits with a grumpy look on his face, but Jeno doesn't know what to tell him. 

"You're hopeless. I know you like Jaemin, you idiot," Renjun snorts. "I hope you realize the feeling was mutual." 

It was  _ not _ mutual. Jeno thinks he knows already.

"Why do you think so? I saw  _ you _ two in that café," Jeno says. "I know how it is, so I don’t really get what you’re trying to tell me." 

Renjun stands there silent for a while. He looks confused for a long time, until realization flashes in his eyes and he bursts out laughing. Jeno feels a bit offended as he frowns at the cackling man.

“What the hell are you talking about? You saw me and Jaemin in the café, then what?” Renjun asks. “Are you telling me you think there’s something between me and Jaemin?”

Jeno doesn’t understand. He remembers very well walking inside the café, seeing Jaemin hugging and kissing Renjun  _ and  _ seeing Renjun smirking at him. He had no other explanations for what he saw. There  _ had _ to be something between Renjun and Jaemin.

“You’re really an idiot, holy shit,” Renjun sighs. "Hyuck was right."

“But - but I saw you,” Jeno stammers. “Jaemin kissed you."

“He didn’t kiss me! What the hell?” Renjun retorts, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You have created a whole new story in your own head!”

“I know what I saw, but feel free to explain,” Jeno huffs. He’s so messed up with everything he just heard that he doesn’t even realize what it could mean for him and Jaemin.

“What is there to explain? I was studying with Jaemin that day because that dumbass struggles with everything school-related, and there was nothing else going on,” Renjun clarifies. “If you know him at all, you know he’s clingy as fuck, that gross bastard. He was joking when he kissed my cheek because he knows I hate it. I almost pushed him off the chair, but then I saw you.

“Jaemin talks about you non-stop, so seeing you for the first time I thought it would be funny to finally see you two together. I told Jaemin that you were there and he got so excited, but then you stormed out! He thought I was shitting him.”

Jeno doesn’t know if he believes what Renjun’s telling him. He has been hurt for no reason? He has avoided Jaemin for no reason? It doesn’t make sense.

"So you're… you're not dating?" Jeno asks quietly. 

"Hell no! Well,  _ I'm _ dating, but not Jaemin,  _ never _ Jaemin," Renjun groans. "He's all yours."

Jeno feels dumb. Oh my god.

“Any other questions?” Renjun asks. “If not, I’d recommend you contact Jaemin right now. I’m done seeing him so sad.”

“But he -” Jeno starts only for Renjun to beat him for it.

“He’s whipped for you, how aren’t you seeing that? It’s not very often that he has a crush that serious, and I haven’t listened to him rambling about you for three months straight only for it to end like this!”

“But -”

“No! He really liked you, so talk to him before it’s too late!”

Jeno blinks in confusion, but Renjun just shoots him a sharp look and turns away. “If not, don't come crying at me when he finds someone else while you're busy being mad at him for nothing."

Jeno watches how Renjun walks away and disappears back inside the cafeteria. He thinks about what he just heard, and it starts to hit him, slowly but surely.

_ Talk to him before it’s too late. _

Jeno doesn’t know what’s the feeling filling his chest right now. Is he relieved to know that he has a chance or is he afraid he’s going to be too late? When is it too late, anyway? 

Has he really made the whole mess by himself, for no reason? All because of his own stupidity and insecurity.

If that's how it is, he can only blame himself if Jaemin never wants to see him again. He gets up from the bench and digs his phone from his pocket. He isn’t even sure what he wants to say to Jaemin, but he has to talk to him. He really ruined something so precious to him only because he mistook Jaemin and Renjun’s friendship to be something else. 

Jeno doesn't know if he wants to cry or laugh, but he's so nervous as he selects Jaemin’s number from his phone that he wouldn't be able to do either.

His heart is beating so quickly that his chest aches as he lifts his phone to his ear. He has no idea what to say, he just needs Jaemin to pick up. 

He takes in a deep breath. The line rings for a long time, until Jeno hears the call getting picked up. He feels lightheaded when he hears Jaemin’s voice.

_ “Jeno?”  _ Jaemin sounds confused, but his voice lacks the usual brightness it has. He sounds tired, and Jeno hopes it isn’t because of him.

“Jaemin,” Jeno breathes out, and stops walking. He runs a shaky hand through his hair. Jaemin picked up, and it’s all that matters to Jeno right now.

Jaemin doesn’t say anything which makes Jeno blurt out the first thing that comes to his mind in fear of Jaemin hanging up.

"D-Do you want to go somewhere nice?”

  
  


…

  
  


It doesn't take much convincing to get Jaemin to meet up with him.

Jeno sits in a creaky swing near their apartment building in an old playground, his heart in his throat. His hands are still shaky as he squeezes his phone in them. 

_ I hope you realize the feeling was mutual _ . 

Jeno can't believe he ruined it. He wonders what it would be like if he never saw Jaemin in the café, if they just went out the next day like they agreed. Where could they be, now?

There's a chance it can't be fixed anymore, and Jeno feels like he shouldn't expect anything. It could be too late, and there wouldn't be anything he could do. 

He swallows the growing lump in his throat. He misses Jaemin.

He startles when the swing next to him squeaks, and Jeno lifts his head to see Jaemin sitting next to him. For the first time Jeno can't tell what Jaemin's thinking. His face has never been so empty of emotions before. It's like the light in Jaemin has dimmed to the point where it's barely visible anymore.

"Somewhere nice," Jaemin muses after a moment, looking ahead of them. "Didn't know the rusty playground would reach there, but okay." 

Jeno lets out a breathy, wet chuckle. "Would you like to go somewhere nicer, then?" 

Jaemin hums, and Jeno thinks he hears a faint smile in his voice. "It's nice enough." 

Then the silence sets over them. Jeno's wringing his hands together so hard that his fingers are white. He has so much to say but he doesn't know where to start or how to even put those thoughts into words. He only has one chance.

"I'm sorry," He whispers when he can't figure out what else to say. "I'm really sorry, Jaemin."

Jeno hears Jaemin inhaling deeply, and he’s afraid of what he's going to say. He hasn't talked to Jaemin for so long, he has no idea what he's thinking.

"I'm not mad at you, Jeno," Jaemin says finally. Jeno lifts his head up, but Jaemin isn't meeting his eyes. Instead he keeps staring somewhere far, a slight frown on his face. 

"I just wish you told me what went wrong and where." 

Jeno knows he should have talked to Jaemin about it. He wishes he did, but all he thought about was the betrayal that never even existed. He was so angry that he thought Jaemin deserved to figure it out by himself, and he doesn't know how to tell him that without hurting him. He doesn't know how to tell him anything.

"I  _ really _ thought we had something," Jaemin adds, and lets out a hollow chuckle. He's hurt too, and although Jeno knew it already, it still breaks him.

"Me too," He ends up replying. "I shouldn't have shut you out like that."

"Will you tell me what happened, though?" Jaemin asks, kicking the ground lightly. "I'm sorry, but I still have no idea what the problem was." 

Of course he doesn't. Now that Jeno has heard the other side of the story, he doesn't blame him. 

"I just…" Jeno starts, and sighs. "I thought that whatever we had was a joke to you." 

Jaemin turns to him, but there's still no clear expression on his face. "Did you think I'd be that cruel?" 

Jeno shrugs. "I jumped into conclusions." 

"Seems like you did," Jaemin snorts. "Is that how little you trust me?" 

"I don't know. I guess I wasn't really thinking."

"Well, for the record this has never been a joke to me," Jaemin says. "I don't know what made you think that." 

The guilt is tearing Jeno apart, and as much as he wants to explain in detail what happened, he thinks it's too sudden. He got a confirmation that their feelings were mutual, but he doesn't know if that's how it is anymore. He doesn't want to push it.

"I was very hurt, you know," Jaemin starts then. "I was mad too, but in the end I just thought that you had your reasons to -"

"I didn't," Jeno interrupts him. "I was wrong and I had no reason to do that to you."

"Good to know. I spent quite a few nights awake thinking I had done something awful," Jaemin says.

"You did nothing wrong," Jeno reassures him.

"Then why did you feel like you couldn't talk to me? You just left me to guess.” 

"I was hurt," Jeno replies, quietly. "I thought you just played around the whole time." 

"Again, I wouldn't be that cruel," Jaemin sighs. "Don't know why you thought that."

"Me neither… I'm sorry I didn't talk to you."

Jaemin hums. He sits quiet for so long that Jeno lifts his head to look at him, trying to tell what he's thinking. Jaemin stares at the dark ground until he speaks up again. 

"But does it really matter anymore?"

Does it matter anymore? Jeno isn't sure what Jaemin means by that. It doesn't sound promising and Jeno prepares himself for the worst.

"I don't know. Does it?" He asks carefully. He doesn't dare to look at Jaemin at this point. The silence feels suffocating before Jaemin answers him.

"Well," Jaemin starts. "I don’t think it does." 

Jeno presses his lips together tightly, and listens how Jaemin gets up from the swing.

"I-is that it?" Jeno asks, trying not to sound too dejected. He blinks down at the ground, and he doesn't even realize he's tearing up until a droplet falls on his lap. He lifts a hand to wipe his eyes roughly, but it makes him look up at Jaemin who just stands there, a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Are you crying?" He asks. "I told you I'm not mad, didn't I?" 

Jeno gapes back, his blurry eyes wide. "W-what?"

Jaemin lets out a puzzled laugh. "I'm not mad at you, silly. Why are you crying?"

_Because you were supposed to_ _leave._

"But you just said -" Jeno starts, frowning up at Jaemin. 

"I said it doesn't matter," Jaemin repeats. "Doesn't matter as in, it's in the past, I don't care. All I wanted was for you to talk to me."

"Oh..." 

"Yeah, oh," Jaemin says, and he's  _ finally  _ smiling a little. Jeno didn't realize how much he missed it until now that he's seeing it again. 

"We can work this out, I think," Jaemin says as he stretches out a hand. "Come here." 

Jeno watches his open palm, but doesn't grab it. "Jaemin…" 

Jaemin shrugs. "Yeah, what you did was shitty, but I'm happy you talked to me about it now. It was a mistake, right? Don't they happen to everyone?" 

Jeno hates Jaemin for being so kind. He really doesn't deserve him. 

"So come here," Jaemin continues. "We'll be alright."

Jeno watches Jaemin for a long time, before he grabs his hand and gets up from the swing. Jaemin pulls him closer until he can wrap his arms around him.

Jeno sighs in relief. He doesn't even try to hide it, as he hugs Jaemin back and melts into the embrace.

"I'm sorry," Jeno says again, and pulls Jaemin closer.

"I know," Jaemin says, patting his back. "And I forgive you. Are you done apologizing?" 

"No," Jeno replies. "I was a dick." 

"Well,  _ that  _ you were," Jaemin says, huffing out a laugh. "I won't even deny that."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah. You should be sorry for disrespecting the definition of nice, too. This place stinks."

  
  


...

  
  


It feels like summer already. Jeno likes the spring, but the current one has felt like a rollercoaster ride to the point where he's glad it's coming to its end. He just wants a breather from everything.

Jeno’s classes are over and he doesn’t have much to do. He ends up just wandering around, looking for a good, shadowy spot to get cover from the sun. It wasn't supposed to be so sunny today, but Jeno can’t see a single cloud anywhere and he already regrets overdressing. 

Maybe the good weather is for the best, though.

It's been a few weeks now since everything got sorted out, and Jeno feels like it's finally easier to breathe. It wasn't a surprise to either him or Jaemin that they somehow seemed to get even closer after talking it all out, but this time Jeno hasn't thought too much about it. He's happy with how things are now.

He was a little afraid of Donghyuck and Renjun at first, but when he and Jaemin walked to school together the other day, Jaemin had grabbed his hand and dragged him straight to them. Jeno had thought Donghyuck would strangle him, but he and Renjun were too busy screaming at each other.

"It's the payday!" 

"The hell, Hyuck?!  _ You  _ own me!" 

"Shut up,  _ I _ said they would take less than four months!" 

"You said it would take them six!" 

"No I didn't! That was Mark's bet!" 

Jeno thinks Jaemin had been the most shocked to find out that there had been a bet going on. Jeno thought it was funny, but more importantly he was thankful to learn that Donghyuck and Renjun are a lot nicer than he had thought. They didn't break his neck like he had feared but were surprisingly kind instead.

He got an earful of how little rationality he has considering how smart he seems, but Jeno is sure he deserved that. He’s a bit embarrassed of it all though, and he’s sure Jaemin isn’t going to stop reminding him of that in a while.

  
  


Before Jeno notices it, the sunlight is being blocked in front of him. 

“ _ Lee Jeno, _ ready to go?” Jaemin asks, pushing his hands in his pockets when Jeno lifts his head. Jaemin’s choice of clothing is more relaxed today compared to his usual outfits, his white button up revealing a bit too much skin than necessary. Jeno can’t say he complains.

“Where to, Na Jaemin?” Jeno asks, getting up and looking away not to get caught staring.

Jaemin’s laugh is light and easy as he throws his arm around Jeno's shoulder. “How does ice cream sound?”

“Perfect.”

  
  


It turns out, they aren’t the only ones to come up with the idea of getting ice cream in the blazing hot sun. The queue to the ice cream stand is ridiculously long, the majority of it consisting of kids with their parents.

“This heat is not okay," Jeno mumbles, brushing his hair from his damp forehead. “It’s not even summer yet but it’s so hot.”

Jaemin snorts and knocks his shoulder against Jeno’s. “With you around, it totally is," He remarks, and it's  _ so  _ bad that Jeno doesn't even know how to react to it.

"That was the worst one so far," Jeno tells him bluntly. “You’re getting progressively worse with your pick-up lines.”

Jaemin laughs brightly next to him. “You love it.” 

Jeno just shakes his head. He doesn’t know what to do about the warm feeling blooming inside of his chest. He never felt this way before, and now that he suddenly does, he doesn’t know how to deal with it. A part of him is tired of hiding it because Jaemin doesn’t hide it either. The difference is that Jaemin is Jaemin, and it’s so him to just flirt at every chance he gets that it's normal at this point.

Jaemin stands so close to him that his fingers burn whenever their hands brush against each other. The urge to slip his fingers into Jaemin's is big, and although there are many occurrences where Jaemin has held his hand before, it feels like a bigger deal this time, more intimate. 

No matter how much those thoughts cloud his mind, he still finds himself moving his hand just enough to touch it against Jaemin's warm one. Maybe he hopes he would suddenly gain the confidence and just hold Jaemin's hand.

As if Jaemin had been reading his thoughts, Jeno feels him intertwining their fingers loosely. Jaemin is careful in his act, not so straightforward as usual, as if he’s silently asking for Jeno’s permission. The skin on Jeno’s fingers tingle, and he feels ridiculous when he has to bite down on his lips to stop himself from breaking into a smile.

He ends up squeezing Jaemin's hand gently, missing entirely the way Jaemin’s smiling next to him as well.

The rest of the waiting goes quickly after that, and they spend embarrassingly long arguing over who is going to pay. They go on for long enough to get dirty looks from the people behind them in the line  _ and _ the lady selling the ice cream.

"We had an agreement, it was my turn to pay," Jeno says, watching Jaemin walking a few steps ahead of him, taking pictures of the flowing river by the path while trying not to drop his ice cream.

"We can move the agreement into the future." 

Jeno just rolls his eyes. "I'll write that down now." 

Jaemin grins, pointing the camera towards Jeno and snapping a picture quicker than Jeno has the time to realize. Jaemin’s getting better at that.

“Or then we can forget the whole agreement,” Jaemin suggests easily, looking down at his camera with a satisfied smile as he returns to Jeno's side.

  
  


"Can I have a taste?" Jaemin asks suddenly, eyeing the vanilla ice cream Jeno's struggling to keep from melting on his hands.

Jeno looks at Jaemin and nods slowly, wordlessly handing the cone over to him. He doesn't mention how the last time he checked, Jaemin didn’t really care about vanilla flavoured things (“It’s so  _ plain _ , there’s nothing exciting about vanilla.”). Jeno digs a tissue from his pocket to wipe his hands and looks up to find that Jaemin isn’t even paying attention at the cone he's offering to him. 

"You want it or not?" Jeno asks, and he's about to poke Jaemin on his face with the ice cream, when Jaemin steps closer, his other hand grabbing him gently behind his neck to press their lips together into a chaste kiss.

It's quick, yet Jeno's aware of everything going on despite the burst of emotions in him.  _ Everything. _ How Jaemin's lips taste like a mixture of chocolate ice cream and coffee, how their noses bump gently and briefly, and how Jaemin's lip ring feels warm against his lips. Jeno feels dizzy.

Then Jaemin pulls back, and keeps on walking whereas Jeno halts to a stop.

Jaemin smacks his lips together. "Hmm, not bad," He muses ahead of Jeno. 

"The vanilla is still  _ so _ boring, but your lips -" He speaks, trailing off while making wild gestures with his other hand. Jeno's cheeks burn, his heart beating against his chest so rapidly that he's afraid it's going to break its way through his ribs.

What just happened?

He stands still, watching Jaemin with his mouth opening and closing. He still feels the ghost of Jaemin's lips on his, and he thinks his heart might burst. The forgotten ice cream drips down his fingers as it keeps melting, but he doesn't even notice. He has other things to focus on. 

Jaemin turns around with bright eyes, his eyebrows raised, and he bursts into laughter the second he sees Jeno's face. For once, Jeno sees a pale pink spreading over Jaemin's cheeks too, a sign that this time he isn't the only one stunned by the sudden action. It's a relieving sight.

"Are you okay?" Jaemin giggles, as he walks over. "Your ice cream is dripping." 

Still staring at Jaemin, Jeno realizes quickly that he wishes it would happen again. He wants it,  _ needs _ it to happen again. His eyes flicker from Jaemin's eyes down to his lips as soon as the boy stops in front of him, and they're so  _ tempting _ now. They were tempting before, but now that he has a green flag to do something about it, it makes the temptation a whole lot stronger. Jaemin seems to notice that as well, because he has the audacity to laugh and tilt Jeno's head up with a finger under his chin. 

"I’m not that bad a kisser, am I?" He asks while leaning closer, his smile twitching into a lazy, teasing grin.

"Na Jaemin, you piece of shit," Jeno sighs, before he's already leaning back in to kiss the stupid smirk on Jaemin's face.

Jeno feels Jaemin smiling against his lips, and soon the warm hand is on the side of his head, pulling him impossibly close until their teeth clash.

Jeno doesn't know how long he has dreamed of Jaemin's soft lips against his, feeling just as heavenly as Jeno has thought. And when Jaemin breaks the kiss first, his smile is a lot gentler, something Jeno doesn't remember seeing many times before. 

"I've wanted to do this for  _ so _ long, you have no idea," He says. 

Jeno chuckles. "Funnily enough, me too."

Jaemin snorts. “You’re really saying you hated me that much when you almost kissed me before.”

“I was about to prove a  _ point _ .”

“Oh, sure you were. Tell your ex to piss off, by the way. He clearly didn’t know what he was talking about.”

  
  


…

  
  


"So, Jaemin," Jeno starts one day, staring at the ceiling as he lies on his bed.

Jaemin is next to him, pillowing his head on Jeno’s shoulder as he flips through a book he found somewhere in Jeno's room. It's oddly calm, and for once, Doyoung isn't home either.

Jaemin found it  _ really _ funny when Jeno ran a quick check around the whole apartment to make sure they were alone when they came from school. 

("Stop laughing, this could save your life."

"I've seen him before, Jeno, I can't see why you're panicking." 

"I don't think you fully understand who I live with.")

Turned out Doyoung had gone to Jaehyun's again, so Jeno doesn't expect him to be home for a few hours. That means he and Jaemin are getting some time in peace, and lying in silence for a moment, Jeno came to think about a question that has been bugging him for a few days now.

Jaemin hums, a cue that he's listening.

"What are we?" Jeno asks. 

Jaemin is quiet for a moment, turning a page. "What do you want us to be?" 

"What do  _ I  _ want?" Jeno asks. "I think a question like this requires your opinion too." 

"Well, we're not just friends," Jaemin says, chuckling, finally turning his gaze to Jeno. "Or are we? Man, I hope not."

Jeno sighs. "Can you be serious for a moment?" 

"I  _ am  _ serious. Do you think of us as friends?" Jaemin asks, putting the book away to turn on his side, giving Jeno his full attention. 

"No, but -" 

"Friends don't kiss like that, Jeno," Jaemin reminds him. "At least I don't, not sure about you." 

“Oh, really?” Jeno asks, arching an eyebrow. "Then what was that _friendly_ _kiss_ you talked me into?"

"It was just an excuse to see if I had any chances with you. And it worked, can you believe that?"

Jeno shakes his head. "You're ridiculous." 

"You love me." 

"Do I?" 

"You do."

Jeno observes the calm look on Jaemin's face, noting the hint of sleepiness on it now, unlike usual. His eyelids look heavy and his hair is messier, the disheveled strands falling on his forehead. Jeno thinks he prefers it like this though, and he brings up a hand to thread his fingers through the blue locks.

“Maybe I do,” Jeno says, his voice quiet.

Jaemin's eyes blink slowly, a small smile spreading on his lips. “About the time you admitted that."

Jeno’s smiles as Jaemin wraps his arm around him and squeezes, pressing a loud kiss on his cheek. Jeno's hand slides from Jaemin's hair behind his neck, fingers burrowing into the short cut hair. 

  
“So, what do you say? Are we dating now?” Jaemin asks, his dark eyes searching Jeno's. “Because I’d  _ love _ that.”

Jeno lets out a laugh. “Do you really want to?”

“You don’t?”

“There are so many people who’d pay to date you right now,” Jeno says. “You have no idea.”

“But I only want  _ you,” _ Jaemin pouts. “This is about  _ us,  _ Jeno. And if someone has something bad to say about it, then so be it. I don’t care.”

Jeno knows this isn’t the time to think about others’ opinions, but he can’t help it. He knows not many are going to expect him to be the one Jaemin’s dating and it’s not a good thing. People can be mean and Jeno has become familiar with it. 

“I don’t want you to have to deal with that crap, though,” Jeno says. “It’s not pretty, you know.”

“It’s not your fault there are ugly things circulating around,” Jaemin replies, his other hand caressing Jeno’s back. “People will have their opinions, yes, but we don’t have to let it affect us.”

“Are you sure?” Jeno asks. “It might not be that simple.”

“I know it won’t be, but we can try, right?” Jaemin says. “I don’t want other people to have the power to ruin something that’s not even their business.”

Thinking about it that way makes it sound so much worse, and Jeno knows he would regret giving up Jaemin if it was only because of his own reputation. 

“You’re right,” Jeno mumbles. “I wouldn’t want that, either.”

“I know it might be a bit scary but we can work it out,” Jaemin says. “My friends are ready to throw hands anytime anyway, so we’ll be fine.”

“Alright,” Jeno replies, smiling lightly. “If you’re sure.”

Jaemin looks hopeful, observing the look on Jeno’s face. “Alright? Is that a yes?” 

Jeno nods, leaning his forehead against Jaemin’s. “We can try.”

“For a moment I thought you were really going to reject me after all this,” Jaemin sighs and pulls Jeno in to meet him.

It's been days since they kissed for the first time, and Jeno still hasn’t got used to the feeling of Jaemin’s lips on his. He can’t believe this is happening. He loves the way Jaemin seems to have a permanent, faint taste of coffee on his lips mixed with his berry scented chapstick, and to think that just a few weeks ago he thought he would never get to do this makes him appreciate every detail so much more.

Jeno’s arms sneak around Jaemin’s shoulders to bring him closer. Jaemin's lips trail down to his jaw, feather gentle, and Jeno shivers, the fingers of his other hand closing around Jaemin's hair. Jaemin’s hold on his waist tightens, and he pulls him along with him until Jeno is hovering on top of him.

Jeno's hands slide from Jaemin's hair down his firm chest, blatantly feeling him up. He feels like he can't get enough of him.

"Oh, we're getting bolder," Jaemin says when they pull apart to catch their breaths, the smirk on his face teasing.

"I was bold before," Jeno replies, squeezing the hem of Jaemin’s shirt. Jaemin laughs, shaking his head lightly. 

“Whatever you say.”

  
“I can be bolder," Jeno tells him. “Do you want me to?”

“I’m just kidding,” Jaemin laughs. “You’re  _ so  _ bold.”

Jeno sighs. “I really can’t believe this is my life now. You're impossible.”

Jaemin pulls him closer, and pecks his nose. “Better start believing in it. You’re not getting rid of me very soon.”

“I hate that you’re right,” Jeno says. “I’ve known that for a few months now.”

“It was your fault for being so adorable all the time,” Jaemin reasons. “You should have seen yourself in our first math class.”   
  


Jeno rolls his eyes. “ _ That _ was entirely your fault though.”

“Right? Can you believe we ended up dating because I was fighting with Hyuck at night?”

“You make it sound so stupid.”

“But doesn’t that prove that everything happens for a reason? I should thank Hyuck for screaming his heart out.”

“Alright, I see your point,” Jeno agrees, although begrudgingly, sitting up. “Can we continue now?”

Jaemin looks delighted at the question. “Continue what?”

“You know what.”

“Tell me, darling. What do you want?”

Jeno only glares at the mischievous look on Jaemin’s face. 

“Tell me, Jen.”

Jeno makes a move to get up from on top of Jaemin. “Nevermind, I’ll go get a cat, then.”

“No, come here,” Jaemin laughs, grabbing Jeno’s wrist to pull him back down. “I’ll kiss you all you want.”

Jeno falls back down on Jaemin, and their faces are so close that their noses almost bump. Jeno flushes a little, but he hopes he covers it when he leans in to press their lips together. 

Jaemin smiles against the kiss, cupping Jeno’s cheeks and caressing the skin with his thumbs.

“Holy shit, I’m actually in love with you,” Jaemin breathes out when they separate for air, running his fingers through Jeno’s hair. His cheeks are flushed pink, and Jeno wants to remember the dreamy look on his face forever.

“I’m in love with you, too,” He whispers, pressing another kiss on the corner of Jaemin’s lips. 

And just like that they manage to shut out their surroundings. They concentrate completely on each other, their touches only increasing as the time passes. Jeno wants to strip Jaemin out of that shirt he has on now, and Jaemin seems to be sharing the same thoughts with him as his warm hands run under Jeno’s hoodie. They don't realize anything being out of place before the door of Jeno's room bursts open, just when Jeno has started to pull Jaemin’s shirt off. 

There’s no knocking,  _ nothing. _

"Jeno, what do you say if we -"

The bubble bursts in such a force that Jeno and Jaemin practically jump off each other, sitting up so quickly that Jeno feels a bit lightheaded.

Doyoung stands by the door and just stares, his eyes wide and mouth closing slowly. Jaemin's eyes are round in surprise as well, and the silence that fills the air is suffocating. 

Jeno's mouth hangs open. What is going  _ on _ ? 

He glances at Jaemin, at his messy hair and swollen lips, and  _ fuck _ , is that a hickey on his neck? It takes that for Jeno to realize that he must look exactly the same. There's no way Doyoung didn't see what they were doing, and even if he didn't, he wouldn't even have to guess.

It takes five slow seconds until Doyoung throws his head back with a hearty laugh. He sounds delighted as he turns on his heel and walks out of the room, closing the door after him. 

Jeno turns to Jaemin, horrified, and once Jaemin's eyes flicker back to Jeno, a wide grin takes over his face and he bursts in laugh as well. Jeno doesn't know if he wants to laugh too, or cry. Maybe both. Doyoung just walked in on them  _ making out  _ when he didn't know about their thing at all.

The shock wears off slowly, and when Jeno finally recovers enough to react, he lets out a loud groan. He buries his burning face into his hands and flops back down on the bed. The mattress dips where Jaemin lies down next to him, still laughing as he wraps an arm around Jeno.

"I'm not surviving tonight," Jeno wails, squeezing his eyes shut. "How the hell is he suddenly home?" 

"I would offer to stay over for mental support but I don't think that's a good idea," Jaemin says, and he still sounds like he's having hard time keeping his laughter in. 

"Hell no," Jeno confirms. "He'd be lurking behind the door throughout the whole night.”

Jaemin chuckles, snuggling to Jeno's side to bury his face into his neck. "He’s really protective of you, huh?"

"No, don't get the wrong idea," Jeno sighs. "I think he's just excited. He's been grilling me for a while now about whether I've been seeing someone."

"Oh," Jaemin says. " _ Oh." _

He lifts his face from Jeno's neck, narrowing his eyes playfully. "Well, have you?" he asks.

"No I haven't. That's why I won’t survive tonight." 

Jaemin snorts a laugh, hugging Jeno tighter. "In that case I'm not pitying you at all. You  _ liar." _

"I didn't lie to him!" Jeno starts to defend himself, but finds himself pausing under Jaemin's amused eyes. "I didn't know we were going out on dates, you can't blame me." 

"How exactly weren't those dates?" Jaemin asks. "Were my signals that bad?" 

"You're so flirty with everyone, I couldn't have known," Jeno says, pushing the other farther with a pout. 

"Now that's where you've got it all wrong,  _ Lee Jeno," _ Jaemin says. "I mean, that might be partially right, but if you haven't noticed, I've got my eyes only for you," He purrs, and hooks a few fingers under Jeno's chin.

Jeno blinks his eyes. He almost thinks Jaemin is being serious, that's how confidently the words come out of his mouth. That is, until Jaemin's lips form a wobbly line, his eyes curving in mirth before he bursts out laughing again.

"I actually can't with you, Jaemin."

  
  
  


Jeno feels uneasy on instant when Jaemin pecks him goodbye later that night and disappears into the hallway with hushed  _ good luck _ . Jeno swears he hears his quiet laugh echoing through the air before he closes the door. 

Doyoung was nowhere in sight when they exited Jeno's room, but when Jeno makes sure the door is locked and turns around, Doyoung stands in front of his bedroom door, arms crossed and lips stretched into a knowing smirk. 

Jeno sighs loudly. He doesn't think he has other choices than to be honest if he wants to survive without excessive teasing.

"Alright, I'm seeing someone,” he says, looking everywhere but at Doyoung. "Happy?"

“No shit,” Doyoung replies. The tone of his voice only is enough to tell Jeno that he isn’t getting off the hook so easily. He’s going to have to  _ explain. _

“I knew it was a guy you were hiding, but a charmer like that? Our neighbor? _ Na freaking Jaemin _ ?” Doyoung laughs, clicking his tongue. “ _ Damn _ , Jeno, seems like I had no idea about your type after all.”

Jeno glances up at the older, his cheeks burning. He stands quiet, until Doyoung continues. “When did this happen? It wasn't long ago that you claimed you didn’t know Jaemin."

Frankly, Jeno doesn’t even know when it all happened. He has tried to figure it out, but the line between them being just seatmates, then friends and then something more seems blurred. Jeno doesn’t know when Jaemin’s offhanded flirting went from teasing to something else, nor when his hatred towards him turned into attraction.

“I’m not sure,” Jeno replies, shrugging. “It just happened… somehow.”

“You end up dating a guy like that just somehow? Lee Jeno, there’s so much you’re leaving unsaid, I just know it,” Doyoung says, his arms coming down to rest on his hips. Jeno starts to feel like he’s confronting his mother. 

“Did you meet in math?”

Jeno rubs his head. “Well, uh… I told you before how I cursed in class and got called out? That was on him.” 

Doyoung’s expression is a weird mixture of confusion and amusement, as Jeno continues. “He found it funny I guess, and didn’t leave me alone ever since  _ although _ I thought I made it clear that I hated him.”

Doyoung blinks, his mouth open as if he’s about to say something. Jeno hopes it’s the end of it.

“I knew it had to be something interesting like that,” Doyoung says after a moment. “And I knew you've been seeing him for a while now,  _ behind my back. _ ”

Jeno squints. “How did you know?” 

Doyoung levels him with a similar expression, but he’s smiling while doing so. “You suck at lying, and I happened to see a picture on your desk. Also, when you told me you liked someone, I knew it wasn't just a crush you adored from afar. You were way too broken for it to be like that.”

Jeno frowns a little. The comment about the heartbreak is painfully accurate, but he focuses more on what Doyoung said first. 

“What - what picture?”

“Oh, I don’t know. A picture of you and him, I guess. I didn't look that closely.”

Jeno’s eyes widen in surprise. “Y-you saw that?”

“Yeah, yeah, I saw it,” Doyoung says, waving his hand as if it isn't that big of a deal. “But I knew before that, so it doesn’t matter.”

Jeno doesn’t know how he could have known. He wasn’t being very obvious about it, so he only gives Doyoung a suspicious look. “How?”

"Oh, Jeno," Doyoung coos. "I know you. A gay knows a gay, trust me. You acted differently.”

“Oh my god,” Jeno mumbles. “You’re so weird, did you know that?” 

“What? It’s not my fault, I just know you!”

“But it’s creepy!”

“And you’re a liar, sucking faces with a man without telling me about it!”

“We didn’t suck faces, what the hell?!”

  
  


...

When Jeno transferred, he didn’t think he’d fall in love during the first year there. Not when only a few weeks in people already talked shit and spread false information about him. He didn’t think he’d end up dating the most popular person in that school either, but it just turned out that way.

Jeno knows how to survive by himself, but after years of being alone he suddenly has the most loving boyfriend and _ friends _ . Doyoung basically adopted him the second they became roommates and Donghyuck and Mark have joined him for lunch lately along with Renjun when Jaemin's too busy to go with him. It’s strange having people around him who see something else in him than the quiet, cold person everyone talks about, and Jeno doesn’t think he has completely got used to it yet.

  
  


“Are you sure I look fine?” Jeno asks for the nth time that night, turning in front of the mirror. He had Doyoung helping him with picking his outfit, and now he’s staring at his reflection in trustworthy all black. 

Jeno thought it would be fun to start the summer holiday with an  _ official _ date together with Jaemin. Jaemin is still bitter that Jeno didn't realize they had been going on official dates for a long time already, but he loved the idea.

“Jeno, for the last time, you look great,” Doyoung sighs from his room. “As long as you don’t show up in hoodie and sweatpants Jaemin is going to drool, trust me.”

Jeno makes a disgusted face, and turns towards the mirror once more. The black jeans he digged from the back corner of his closet feel stiff and weird compared to the comfortable clothes he usually wears. He thinks Doyoung is right though - not about the drooling part, but about him being just fine.

He borrowed a black leather jacket from Doyoung and the older even insisted on styling his hair for him. Jeno didn’t see the necessity of it, but he gave in to Doyoung and let him do whatever he wanted. The result wasn't very different, but it's nice.

“It’s not like you’re going to some fancy restaurant, so relax,” Doyoung adds, walking out of his room. “Where are you planning to go, anyway?”

Jeno fixes his shirt for the last time and grabs his buzzing phone from the desk. “Uhh, we didn't decide yet." 

“I'm sure you’ll have fun though.”

Jeno smiles at Doyoung, and opens the notification on the screen of his phone.

**jaem [6.03PM]**

i’m ready <3

are you?

Jeno starts to type a reply back to Jaemin, but a sharp knock on the door interrupts his train of thoughts. Jeno snorts. 

He opens the door next to him, and although he prepared to see something breathtaking tonight, the sight still manages to knock the air out of his lungs. 

Jaemin has a wide smile on his face, and he looks  _ gorgeous  _ with his ripped, slim-fitting jeans and dark jacket. He looks  _ so  _ good that Jeno can't tear his eyes off him, and  _ why do his legs look so long in those damn jeans? _

“Okay, daddy long legs,” Jeno blurts out, shamelessly checking Jaemin out. “Looking handsome today.”

" _ What _ ?" Jaemin bursts into laughter along with Doyoung behind Jeno, and Jeno spins around to look at Doyoung in mild panic.

“Did I underdress?” He asks. He definitely feels a bit underdressed. Thank God he didn't pick his outfit by himself, that would have been a disaster.

“No,” Doyoung  _ and  _ Jaemin reply simultaneously, and Jeno sighs.

"I'm going to look like garbage next to this dude," Jeno says, swiftly motioning a hand towards Jaemin. "How do you even manage to look like that?"

"Aww, how sweet," Jaemin coos, wrapping an arm around Jeno's waist and pressing his lips against his cheek. 

"But look at  _ you _ ," Jaemin says, stepping back to take a good look. "I've never seen you dressing up like that. You look  _ hot. _ " 

Jeno flushes. "Cool, thanks." 

"I helped him, that's why," Doyoung pipes out, crossing his arms. "If I didn't, he would have put on a hoodie, probably." 

"You would still have looked hot, though," Jaemin says. "You pull off that college student look pretty well, just saying."

"That’s relieving to hear." Jeno says and pats Jaemin’s shoulder. "Are we ready to go though?"

"Yes, I'll just look at you for a bit more… yeah, then we can go."

"Alright, lovebirds, get out," Doyoung sighs from behind them, and starts to usher them out of the door. "Have fun wherever you end up going but please behave." 

"As if you're not going to invite Jaehyun over," Jeno snorts, grinning as he waves at him. "Behave, hyung." 

"Jeno!" 

  
  


“Have we decided where we’re going?” Jeno asks as he grabs Jaemin’s hand. The sun is setting, and Jeno thinks it’s the perfect weather to spend the night out.

“I don’t know. Do you have anything in mind?” Jaemin asks, swinging their hands lightly. 

“Can’t think of anything special.” Jeno shrugs.

“I came up with something,” Jaemin says, smiling. “But it’s nothing elegant.”   


“It doesn’t have to be elegant,” Jeno tells him. “You’re elegant enough for tonight.”

“Oh, thank you, I feel honored,” Jaemin smirks. “Are you hungry, though? There’s a good place I know nearby, we could go there first.”

“Sounds good.” 

They continue walking hand in hand, and it takes only a few minutes until Jeno frowns. He looks at Jaemin, observing the knowing look on his face. “You know what, this reminds me of something.”

“Oh, does it?” Jaemin asks, pulling Jeno closer until their shoulders bump. 

Jeno laces their fingers together, humming. “Very smart of you.”

“The most romantic date we went on and you didn’t even think of it as one. We have to fix that.”

Jeno laughs. “So, where are we going? Should I prepare?”

A wide smile spreads on Jaemin’s lips, and Jeno feels something warm bursting inside of his chest.

“We're going somewhere nice. This time it will be really,  _ really  _ nice though.”

Jeno smiles. “Do you have many of those places?”

“A few, but only you’re allowed to see this one.” 

  
  


The sun sets quickly while they get their food (Jaemin  _ finally  _ lets Jeno pay), and the moon and stars are brightening up the sky this time. It’s not cold, but Jeno still huddles closer to Jaemin’s side as they walk. 

This time Jaemin leads the way confidently. They walk through an empty parking lot towards a forest on the other side. Jeno has no idea where they are, but it's quiet again, the noises of the city reaching them as a faint, distant echo. Jaemin fills in the silence by explaining all the places he has labelled nice before ever since he was young.

It takes a bit of struggling when they can't see the path in the darkness, but in the end they arrive to a place with a gorgeous view of the city and all its lights. 

“Oh, wow,” Is all Jeno gets out. 

“It’s quite amazing, isn’t it?” Jaemin asks, and wraps an arm around Jeno’s waist, leaning his head on his shoulder. 

“It is,” Jeno says. “Is this where you come often?”

Jaemin sighs. "Not so often anymore. I haven’t had things to worry about.”

"So this is a place for worries?" Jeno asks, turning to Jaemin. 

"I don't think it is," Jaemin replies. "But if you take your negative thoughts and go to a nice place to worry about them for an hour, then you can go the rest of the day without that stuff clouding your head."

Jeno watches the look in Jaemin's eyes. Is that how he manages to stay so optimistic all the time?

"That makes sense," Jeno says.

"I know," Jaemin smiles, and pulls Jeno down to sit with him. "But besides worrying I've just come here to see the view. It's really pretty when it's dark." 

Jeno leans against Jaemin's side, taking a hold on his free hand. 

“What makes a place nice?” He asks, quietly.

Jaemin chuckles. “I think it’s nice when it feels kind of like a safe place.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to explain. There aren’t many places where you can just relax and stop for a moment,” Jaemin says, shrugging. “I think that’s it.”

Jeno tightens his hold on Jaemin’s hand. “I don’t think I ever found my  _ somewhere nice  _ until recently, then.”

Jaemin pokes his side. “Is it the rusty playground?”

“I’m trying to be sentimental here.”

“It’s fine if it is! It’s  _ your  _ nice place after all,” Jaemin says. “Don’t listen to me.”

“Jaemin, the rusty playground is definitely not a nice place. It was a result of me panicking.”

“Okay, alright,” Jaemin says. "Do you want to share what your nice place is, then?" 

Jeno stares ahead of him for a moment, until he turns his head back to Jaemin and smiles.

His voice is quiet when he says, "I think it's just… you. You're somewhere nice."

Jaemin's eyebrows shoot up and his smile fades into a look of surprise. 

"Is that so?" He asks, a gentle look in his eyes. Jeno nods.

"Yeah. That's what you are." 

Jaemin's lips curve into a soft smile, before he pecks the side of Jeno's head and tightens his hold around him.

"I think you're my new somewhere nice as well." 

"Don't you love it when Lee Jeno gets disgustingly sappy like this?"

"You're ruining the moment, Jaemin."

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this was about the hardest fic i've ever written and i'm SO surprised at the response this got ;_; thank you to everyone who read and left so sweet comments, you have made my day!!
> 
> what made the writing especially hard was that i put together the prompt and my own wip to create this, so i hope the prompter doesn't mind hehe. writing this was a journey of many, many emotions!!
> 
> biggest thanks to sunny for helping me out so many times and for being my personal english teacher!! i really couldn't have done this without you <3 thank you
> 
> scream at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/evsdfg?s=09) uwu


End file.
